Tag Archives: the bachelor

Jun 02 2015
53 Comments
Points: Season 11

Season 11, Episode 3: Points

But actually, where do we start? Diapers, gypsy hearts, ball sacs, tampins, bloody snake toilets, romantic bro times (?), villains. I COULD KEEP GOING. This week has brought us the BachFantasy debut of one of our new points categories “Wearing a costume or clothing native to another country,” and A LOT  of blurred out body part points.

  • Ben H.: 75 points
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
  • Ben Z.: 70 points
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Chris: 80 points (stat correction)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
    • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Clint: 60 points (stat correction)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
    • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Corey: 25 points
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Cory: 0 points
  • Daniel: 0 points
  • Ian: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jared: 105 points (stat correction)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for her” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
    • Teling the Bachelorette that someone in the house “isn’t here for the right reasons” (30 points)
  • JJ: 55 points (stat correction)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
    • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Joe: 70 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
    • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
  • Jonathan: 35 points 
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Joshua: 60 points (stat correction)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wildcard points: first person to talk smack on JJ (25 points)
  • Justin: 35 points (stat correction)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette (10 points)
  • Ryan B.: 35 points (stat correction)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected go to on a group date (10 points)
  • Shawn B.: 130 points (stat correction)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
    • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
  • Tanner: 35 points 
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Tony: 105 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
    • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
    • Leaving the show on his own accord (30 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (that puny dandelion) (5 points)

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Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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May 28 2015
1 Comment
Episode Recaps: Season 11

Season 11, Episode 2: Highlight Reel

Think of this as the SportsCenter Top 10, only sluttier. Here is Season 11, Episode 2’s highlight reel:

  1. When we briefly glimpsed what it’d be like to live in ancient Rome and attend gladiator games (if the gladiators wore pastels, loafers, and rope-like statement necklaces).
  2. The underwater photo shoot. Stop trying to make underwater photo shoots happen. They’re not going to happen. underwater-photos-of-dogs-seth-casteel-1
  3. The pure existence of Amy Schumer.
  4. When Amy Schumer had JJ pegged within three minutes of meeting him: “JJ is a great guy. He just lacks charisma, humility, and a sense of humor.” Can she be on all the shows? Let’s overthrow Chris Harrison.
  5. The men performed “stand-up comedy.” That’s really all you need to know.They gave it the ol’ college try, though Tony took a detour through the universe and used his five minutes to wax poetic about the meaning of comedy in the larger context of his life. Classic knee-slapper material.
  6. The prank the boys played on Justin, sending him out to the driveway to check for the mysterious “knocking” noise.Well played, gentlemen. More pranks.
  7. When JJ revealed himself as an early villain by being the first man at the rose ceremony to pull Kaitlyn aside DESPITE him already having a rose and DESPITE the fact the entire mansion agreed that men with roses would defer to those without. They even spit and shook on it. JJ ruffled Tony the Healer’s chakras —and Tony seems like the type of dude who’d find you in another lifetime (whether you’re reincarnated humans or donkeys) and claim you had some negative energy to sort out between the two of you.
  8. Kupah fumbled his way through a conversation to tell Kaitlyn he didn’t know if they had a connection, but also make a case for why he should get a rose? It was the conversational equivalent of this:giphy

Just imagine him yelling: “But you’re pretty and hot and sexy!” as his shoes fly off, and it’s the same.

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May 26 2015
12 Comments
Points: Season 11

Season 11, Episode 2: Points

Cliffhangers are a dang thorn in our behinds. We prefer to tie up each episode neatly with a rose ceremony. ABC has other plans. Next week’s episode will likely have two rose ceremonies.

Some important housekeeping, before we get to points:

  • In Episode 1, I mistakenly awarded 5 points for “mentioning his kid” to Ryan B., who has yet to father any offspring (to the best of our/his knowledge). Those 5 points should’ve gone to Justin. Please update in your spreadsheet accordingly. Mea culpa.

The wildcard points for last night’s episode went to JJ, who Amy Schumer delightfully raked over the coals. (P.S. we announce the upcoming wildcard points category every Sunday/Monday on Twitter.)

  • Ben H.: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Ben Z.: 65 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Chris: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Clint: 55 points (stat correction) 
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Corey: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Cory: 0 points
  • Daniel: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Ian: 20 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Jared: 55 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Needing medical attention (20 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette gift: a note (5 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • JJ: 110 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Mentioning a previous wife (10 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
    • Wildcard points: first person to get made fun of by Amy Schumer (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on the group date (30 points)
    • Saying “I’m not here to make friends” (20 points)
  • Joe: 20 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Jonathan: 10 points 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Joshua: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Justin: 20 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
  • Kupah: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Ryan B.: 0 points
  • Shawn B.: 0 points
  • Tanner: 15 points 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Tony: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)

Question of the week: What in tarnation is going on with Britt and Brady? Is it a calculated move to prolong her time in the spotlight? Would she have “gone steady” with WHOEVER knocked on her hotel room door? Give us your take in the comments.

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Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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May 20 2015
27 Comments
Points: Season 11

Season 11, Episode 1: Points

Well, well, well. It’s gonna be #TeamKaitlyn for season 11 of “The Bachelorette.” If you selected Kaitlyn to be the next Bachelorette, good eye. Please award yourself an additional 50 points.

From the looks of the season preview, I stand by what we wrote on Twitter last night:

Screen Shot 2015-05-19 at 9.15.06 PM

Wildcard points were awarded to Tony and Brady, respectively. You’ll see them below, incorporated within the rest of the points. How are your teams doing so far?

  • Ben H.: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Ben Z.: 35 points
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Bradley: 0 points
  • Brady: 50 points
    • Wildcard points: first one to express a preference for one of the Bachelorettes (20 points)
    • Leaving the show early on his own accord (30 points)
  • Chris: 35 points
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Clint: 35 points (stat correction)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift: drawing of Chris Harrison (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Corey: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Cory: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Daniel: 30 points
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • David: 5 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Ian: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jared: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • JJ: 40 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift: a hockey puck (5 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Joe: 30 points (stat correction)
    • Gives the Bachelorette a gift: moonshine (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jonathan: 35 points 
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Josh: 35 points
    • Having a body part blurred out (30 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
  • Joshua: 35 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift: steel rose (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Justin: 35 points (stat correction)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift: balloons (5 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Kupah: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Ryan B.: 25 points (stat correction)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Ryan M.: 20 points
    • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Shawn B.: 50 points
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift: note from nephew (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the First Impression Rose (35 points)
  • Shawn E.: 5 points
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Tanner: 35 points (stat correction)
    • Gives the Bachelorette a gift: tissues (5 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Tony: 50 points
    • Wildcard points: first one to express discontent that his Bachelorette was not chosen (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

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Never miss a post! You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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May 15 2015
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Episode Recaps: Season 11, Points: Season 11

Researching Your Picks: A Guide to Drafting Your “Bachelorette” Season 11 Fantasy Team

ABC waited until the 11th hour to post these cast bios. You know there’s one lone summer intern running around and pressing buttons in the control room.

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Here’s our insider guide to who we think you should draft for your Bachelorette fantasy league teams, based strictly on their online bios. Bear with us. This year’s crop of contestants is like a kindergarten classroom where everyone shares three names, so the entire roster is First Name Last Initial.

Ben H. | age: 26 |software salesman | Denver, CO

Choice line from his bio: On marriage: “It is a total sacrifice.” He sounds ready for this.

We need to hear more about: What he’s got planned for that “quiet place in the woods,” because it sounds like the ideal location for a murder. If a Bachelorette gets murdered in the woods, and Chris Harrison isn’t there to remind them to say their goodbyes, did it even happen?

Draftability: 8/10

Ben Z. | age:26 | Fitness Coach | San Jose, CA

Choice line from his bio: He’d have lunch with his mom because he’d “take any extra second he can get with her.” It sounds like there is a sad story behind that answer. I’m sure he won’t choose to tell it at an opportune moment for maximum Emotional Connection to Bae.

We need to hear more about: why he openly refers to himself as “calculated.” That’s not a good thing, brah.

Draftability: 7/10

Bradley | age: 25 | International Auto Shipper | Atlanta, GA

Choice line from his bio: Bradley wants to be Tom Brady so he can play in an NFL game and “then go home to Gisele.” Like, fine, samesies, but maybe don’t tell that to your potential future girlfriend. Suspended 4 dates for putting his foot in his mouth.

We need to hear more about: Just how serious his sarcasm skillz are. He’s talking big game, but we’ll be the judges here.

Draftability: 8/10

Brady | age: 33 | Singer-Songwriter | Nashville, TN

Choice line from his bio: He’s jealous AF of pre-divorce Gwyneth Paltrow. Listen to the dude wax poetic about Chris Martin, the person he admires most in the world for his “creativity, humility, charisma, and wit.”

We need to hear more about: why he looks like Jimmy Fallon’s Nickelback-loving little brother.

Draftability: 2/10

Chris | age: 28 | Dentist | Nashville, TN

Choice line from his bio: His biggest date fear is that the girl “tries to eat his food.” Brady and I share this fear. I get it, man. L’eggo my E’ggo.

We need to hear more about: Obviously how he ended up on national TV in his underwear. Was it accidental? Did he lose a bet? Was he participating in some sort of televised amateur stripping competition? I really hope it’s that last one.

Draftability: 4/10. Idk, he seems kind of vanilla.

Clint | age: 27 | Architectural Engineer | Chicago, IL

Choice line from his bio: For a day, he’d want to be “Chuck Norris, for obvious reasons.” Um, 2007 called. It wants its meme back. (Also, while you have 2007 on the phone, please tell it to prevent Britney from staging her comeback at the VMAs.)

We need to hear more about: his word vomit. He’s afraid of saying too much on a date. Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.

Draftability: 3/10

Corey | age: 30 | Investment Banker | New York City, NY

Choice line from his bio: The investment banker admires “everyone who truly does what they love everyday.” Dang, that’s a thinly veiled cry for help. Corey, you didn’t have to go on the Bachelorette just to get out of investment banking.

We need to hear more about: his superpower. Again, it’s revealing. Corey wants “the ability to do everything I wanted without needing sleep or losing my health and fitness.” Corey. Babe. You don’t have to work 110 hours a week anymore. You made it to the Bachelorette ranch. Go have a margarita with Chris Harrison.

Draftability: 4/10

Cory | age: 35 | Residential Developer | Pearland, TX

Choice line from his bio: Cory’s afraid of finding out his date “is really a dude.” Really? that’s the WORST thing that could happen to you?

We need to hear more about: Why he would waste the opportunity to be anyone else in the world, on being someone he already was. Cory would choose to be “his younger self” for a day. Cool.

Draftability: 5/10

Daniel | age: 28 | Fashion Designer | Nashville, TN

Choice line from his bio: The best present he’s ever received is “support and love.” That’s nice. And definitely a lie.

We need to hear more about: This off-brand Shia LaBeouf’s career as a fashion designer. Does he get inspo from his doppleganger? TBD.

Shia-Labeouf-Dancing-Russian-Style-on-The-Set-Of-a-Movie-Wearing-Purple-Pants

Draftability: 4/10

David | age: 26 | Real Estate Agent | Orlando, FL

Choice line from his bio: Eh. Slim pickins. He may be that rarest of Bachelor contestants—a normal civilian. Which means he’ll be packing his bag in about two weeks.

We need to hear more about: his crazy exes. I hope his “biggest fear: bumping into an ex who makes a scene” is juicy foreshadowing.

Draftability: 5/10

Ian | age: 28 | Executive Recruiter | Los Angeles, CA

Choice line from his bio: Ian’s biggest date fear is a girl who “can’t hold a conversation.” Luckily, ABC gives everyone on this show a script that just repeats the words “journey, incredible, scared, and rest of my life” in varying combinations. It’s like a maddening verbal factorial.

We need to hear more about: the “romantic” clock he made. I’m no diva, but I don’t know how I feel about getting a clock, handmade or not, for Valentine’s Day. Actually, I do know. I don’t want it. Chocolates, por favor.

Draftability: 7/10

Jared | age: 26 | Restaurant Manager | Warwick, RI

Choice line from his bio: He “doesn’t really have any” date fears. I respect that.

We need to hear more about: Whether he is going to turn into a werewolf at the next full moon. Idk, he just has that face.

Draftability: As a human: 6/10, as a werewolf: 6/10

JJ | age: 32 | Former Investment Banker | Denver, CO

Choice line from his bio: See how much happier he is now that he’s a former investment banker? JJ is future-Corey. Chilling out in Denver, toking every day, prank calling his former coworkers on Wall Street.

We need to hear more about: His apparent gambling addiction?

Draftability: 8/10

Joe | age: 28 | Insurance Agent | Columbia, KY

Choice line from his bio: He’d have lunch with his “grandmother who just passed away this last December. Just because I miss her.” That’s some sweet shit right there. I just got a cavity.

We need to hear more about: his five-year plan. “I’m a man that takes life one day at a time” is the statement of someone who has no idea what he’s doing at 6 p.m., let alone next week or next year.

Draftability: 7/10.

Jonathan | age: 33 | Automotive Spokesman | Detroit, Michigan

Choice line from his bio: None. I’m bored.

We need to hear more about: his actual job. Being an “automotive spokesman” in Detroit is like saying you’re on the board of tourism for Pyongyang, North Korea. Pics or it didn’t happen.

Draftability: 5/10

Josh | age: 27 | Law Student/Exotic Dancer | Chicago, Illinois

Choice line from his bio: If he could have lunch with anyone in the entire world, he picks HIMSELF twenty years from now. Good lawd. There’s enjoying your own company and then there’s Josh, self-appointed Most Interesting Man in the Room.

We need to hear more about: Sorry for burying the lede. EXOTIC. DANCER. Hell fucking yeah, ABC, now we’re cooking with gas.

uyW5583

Draftability: 3/10

Joshua | age: 31 | Industrial Welder | Kuna, ID

Choice line from his bio: His biggest date fear? “My mom walking in holding a kleenex to my nose and ordering me to blow.” That’s either a) something that happened to him once in junior high or b) an actual fear because he lives with his mom.

We need to hear more about: his job. It sounds lumbersexual as hell. (Pssst, hey boi, I’ve got something for you to weld…)

Draftability: 9/10

Justin | age: 28 | Fitness Trainer | Naperville, IL

Choice line from his bio:If our boy Justin here could be someone else for a day (reminder: the parameters are ANYONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE PHYSICAL UNIVERSE), he chooses: “Someone from a less privileged area or country. It would be an eye-opening/humbling experience.” To Justin, anyone outside the bubble of Naperville, Illinois is less privileged. Also, you can have that experience literally any day of any week. It’s called volunteering.

We need to hear more about: His business. He wants to own a training company that uses trainers to train other…trainers? I don’t know.

say crack again

Draftability: 5/10

Kupah | age: 32 | Entrepreneur | Boston, MA

Choice line from his bio: When asked what marriage means to him, Kupah rattled off a string of incoherent words he’s read on Dove chocolate wrappers over the years. “FOOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEEEEVEEEEEEEER. Team, companion, friend. Mates, support, trust, balanced.” I think this answer was translated from English to Japanese, then back to English again.

We need to hear more about: the origin of that name. I hope his friends and family call him Supah Dupah Wicked Pissah Kupah in a raging Boston accent.

Draftability: 3/10

Ryan B. | age: 32 | Realtor| Wellington, FL

Choice line from his bio: He “meant to send a pic to [his] girlfriend and accidentally tweeted it.” DICK PIC FTW.

We need to hear more about: Definitely NOT the time he rode his bike from Florida to California to rescue a dog. That’s just poor logistical planning, and you know even the rescue dog was like, “Ugh, really? Florida?”

Draftability: 6/10

Ryan M. | age: 28 | Junkyard Specialist | Kansas City, MO

Choice line from his bio: He says being married is about “bringing new life into this world.” Okay, Jim Bob Duggar, let’s pump the brakes.

We need to hear more about: his occupation as a junkyard specialist. I feel like that’s a euphemism for a sex addict. Besides, America already has a favorite junkyard dog.

The Sandlot

Draftability: 3/10

Shawn B. | age: 28 | Personal Trainer | Windsor Locks, CT

Choice line from his bio: His biggest date fear is “not being interested and not being able to get out of the date.” Twenty bucks this dude leaves on his own accord.

We need to hear more about: the fact that there are two men named Shawn on this show.

Draftability: 9/10

Shawn E. | age: 31 | Amateur. Sex. Coach. | Ontario, Canada

Choice line from his bio: His “ultimate date” sounds absolutely exhausting. Skydiving, followed by swimming in the ocean, followed by a hot tub, followed by doing it ‘til dawn.

We need to hear more about: his tenure as an amateur sex coach. Because of course the guy with the choker necklace is an amateur sex coach.

Draftability: 1/10 (but he could be the token weirdo that the Bachelorette is contractually obligated to keep way belong his expiration date)

Tanner | age: 28 | Auto Finance Manager | Kansas City, MO

Choice line from his bio: His biggest fear is his “date not liking [him] as much as [he] likes her” which is sweet, vulnerable, and just a pinch of Stage 5 Clinger.

We need to hear more about: his boozehound date. There’s a story there, and I’m all ears.

giphy

Draftability: 8/10

Tony | age: 35 | Healer | St. Louis, MO

Choice line from his bio: He’s so coy about his job as a professional healer. You know, just slavin’ away at that 9 to 5, healing necks and cashing checks.

We need to hear more about: his delightful zig-zag part.

Draftability: 2/10

Chris Harrison | age: exact birth date unknown | TV therapist | in a rose garden, California

We need to hear more about: Chris Harrison has written a romance novel and it is being published on May 19. He is a Renaissance man. He is a rose among thorns.

Draftability: 10/10

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Mar 10 2015
7 Comments
Points: Season 19

Season 19, Episode 11: Points

Another season down the corn silo, folks! Who won in your league? Any upsets? I think Whitney was the most excited winner in the show’s history. I half-expected her to chew up that final rose and swallow it. But dagnabbit if I don’t believe in their love. My jagged edges are being sanded down with each passing year.

ALSO: can we talk about the double dose of Bachelorettes? Becca put it best in a tweet last night:

Screen Shot 2015-03-09 at 11.42.59 PM

Throw us a frickin’ bone here, ABC. Okay, here are the points from last night’s finale.

  • Becca: 55 points (stat correction)
    • Kissing Chris (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Saying, “I’m falling for you” to Chris (20 points)
  • Whitney: 200 points
    • Kissing Chris (10 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for him” to the camera (20 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to Chris (30 points)
    • Winning the Final Rose (100 points)

Bonus Points for Having Drafted the Next Bachelorette 

  • Britt: 40 points
    • Being chosen as the next Bachelorette (40 points)
  • Kaitlyn: 40 points
    • Being chosen as the next Bachelorette (40 points)

Don’t forget to check back in with us before the Bachelorette: 2 Hot 2 Handle kicks off, and tell your Bach-lovin’ friends about us, too. Thanks so much for playing along. It’s been a pleasure!

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Mar 03 2015
15 Comments
Points: Season 19

Season 19, Women Tell All: Points

“Can I just say something?” Too bad that question wasn’t a points category because I heard it about 35 times from the peanut gallery last night.

Nothing was really clarified, though. I don’t think Kaitlyn, Britt, or Jade got the closure they were hoping for from Chris. Carly emerged as a pseudo-villain. Ashley S., fresh off her onion farm, pranced around the stage. I’d love to get her going on a “9/11 was an inside job” rant. Kelsey cemented her role as the least sympathetic widow in the history of television. Chris Harrison wrote a romance novel (?) that I’d only consider buying to be ironic.

In other words, it was classic Bach.

Remember, these points are optional, and you can choose in your league if you want to award them to your teams post mid-season draft or from episode 1.

  • Ashley S.: 25 points
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Britt: 65 points
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Asking Chris Soules why he got rid of her (15 points)
  • Carly: 30 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
  • Jade: 65 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)
    • Asking Chris Soules why he got rid of her (15 points)
  • Kaitlyn: 40 points
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)
    • Asking Chris Soules why he got rid of her (15 points)
  • Kelsey: 75 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Mentioning a previous fiance or husband (10 points)
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Megan: 10 points
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Trina: 20 points
    • Saying “I’m not here to make friends” (20 points)
    • Editor’s note: she said, “It’s the Bachelor; you’re not here to make friends!” but it’s damn close so we’re giving it to her.

 

You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Feb 27 2015
2 Comments
Points: Season 19

Introducing (Optional) “Women Tell All” Special Points Categories

Based on popular opinion from last season, we’re going to score the “Women Tell All” episode this year. It’s completely optional, so if you decide not to award these points in your league, ain’t no thang.

We’ve decided to only award points to the contestants belonging to each team AFTER the mid-season draft. Some of you pointed out that it seems like we’re punishing people who drafted well (i.e. have Whitney and Becca remaining on their teams and thus don’t have an opportunity to score as many points in the Women Tell All). We’re actually hoping that this gives teams who aren’t doing as well a chance to catch up and make the finale even more exciting in your leagues.

If you disagree, feel free to award points to the original teams you drafted. Talk to your commissioner and just make sure you’re all on the same page.

Onto the fun stuff!

Y’all submitted some terrific points categories. We culled through the list and pulled out our favorites. Here’s what we’ll be scoring during the Women Tell All (in addition to the regular points):

  • Entering a guess as to who will win the show (5 points)
  • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
  • Mentioning a new romantic interest in her life (10 points)
  • Asking Chris why he got rid of her (15 points)
  • Admitting that feelings still remain for Chris (20 points)
  • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)

No wildcard points for this episode. Good luck!

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Feb 24 2015
25 Comments
Points: Season 19

Season 19, Episode 9: Points

Fantaaaasy suiiiiteeesssss!

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Wildcard points: 40 points went to Becca for being the first woman to say, “I’m so excited to spend alone time with Chris/without cameras.”

  • Becca: 170 points
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love” to Chris (20 points)
    • Wildcard points (40 points)
    • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Kaitlyn: 130 points
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love” to Chris (20 points)
    • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Whitney: 175 points
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased love one (10 points)
    • Saying “I love you” (30 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love with Chris” (20 points)
    • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Women Tell All: Special Points Edition

We’re going to add a few special categories to score during the Women Tell All episode next Monday and we’d love your suggestions. Points categories can be phrases or actions. For example, “Rolling her eyes when someone else is talking: 20 points” or “Getting bleeped for profanity: 15 points.” Leave a comment with your suggested categories and we’re going to pick our favorites.

We’ll send out a blog post by Friday with the special points listed out.

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Feb 17 2015
23 Comments
Points: Season 19

Season 19, Episode 7 and Episode 8: Points

Chris came in to this week guns blazin’, ready to break some hearts. Poor Megan needed a motorcycle helmet on her heart, Carly needed buckets of Pepto, and Britt needed to get her story straight. Arlington: hot or not?

Now that we’ve all invested 4 hours of our week in The Bachelor, let’s see where it leaves our teams.
Wildcard Points Winners: Britt nabbed the wildcard points in each episode—see below.

Episode 7 Points

  • Becca: 0 points
  • Britt: 70 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • WILDCARD points for saying she really needed the one-on-one time (25 points)
  • Carly: 45 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Jade: 50 points
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love with Chris” to the camera (20 points)
  • Kaitlyn: 125 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 point)
    • Getting the rose on the group date (30 points)
    • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Megan: 25 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Whitney: 60 points
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love with Chris” to the camera (20 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)

Episode 8 Points

  • Becca: 130 points
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Making it to the Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week at the end of the episode (25 points)
  • Britt: 60 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • WILDCARD points for telling Chris she could see herself in Iowa (25 points)
  • Carly: 25 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Jade: 160 points (stat correction)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Making it to the Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Having a body part blurred out any point (30 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to Chris (20 points)
  • Kaitlyn: 40 points
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Singing for Chris (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week at the end of the episode (25 points)
  • Whitney: 165 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Making it to the Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to Chris (20 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week at the end of the episode (25 points)

You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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