Season 13 Episode 9: Points

Not to be dramatic, but if this season comes down to Eric and Bryan, I’ll set myself on fire.  Eric is fine, I wish him well with his “feelings of emotions” and all, blah blah. Bryan can go back to Miami and climb back into the adult-sized Baby Bjorn he escaped from to come on this show.

Points are a little lopsided among the men this week, since we got a “to be continued…” There were a couple of judgment calls we made. I did give Peter points for giving Rachel a gift (the cork from their date), but did not give them concert points (I’ve been sung to against my will before – it didn’t feel like a concert).  Also, it seems that Rachel may have offered Peter the Fantasy Suite, though we didn’t witness the formal presentation of Chris Harrison’s invitation and key to Bonetown. We’re holding off on giving those points until we see the conclusion of their date next week before making a call.

  • Bryan: 60 points (STAT CORRECTION)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
    • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelorette  (20 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Eric: 160 points (STAT CORRECTION)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
    • Accepting the Fantasy Suite (75 points)
  • Peter:  70 points (STAT CORRECTION)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelorette  (20 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (5 points)
    • Wildcard points: First guy to make Rachel cry (15 points)

Season 13, Episode 8: Points

Well tonight’s episode checked off our boxes: Tidy conclusion to a journey of emotional discovery? Check. Statement jewelry? Check. An overbearing parent who kinda maybe wants to date their kid? Check. Doubts about whether 6 weeks is enough to decide to propose to someone you’re dating non-exclusively? Check. ABC lowering the bar again and exploiting a family’s grief and trauma for 15 minutes of content? Big fat mother trucking check.

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In the end, we say goodbye to Dean and are left to bear another week watching Bryan suck Rachel’s face. Bleh.

We decided not to give Eric “I love you” points. We heard both sides and decided that because Rachel didn’t feel he said it, it doesn’t count. If you feel differently, feel free to award the points in your league. Bless up.

  • Bryan: 130 points
    • Being hugged by the Bachelorette with legs wrapped around him (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Dean: 95 points
    • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Being hugged by the Bachelorette with legs wrapped around him (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
  • Eric: 95 points
    • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Being hugged by the Bachelorette with legs wrapped around him (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Peter: 95 points
    • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Being hugged by the Bachelorette with legs wrapped around him (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Season 13, Episode 7: Points

Wildcard points: 15 to the first man to wear a scarf. That was Eric, who donned it early and hard, when the boys were walking into the hotel.

FYI, we award Hometown Points next week, when the men actually make it to hometowns.

  • Adam: 30 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Bryan: 80 points
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Dean: 90 points
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Eric: 75 points
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Wildcard points: first person to wear a scarf (15 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Matt: 30 points
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Peter: 90 points
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Being hugged by the Bachelorette with legs wrapped around him (10 points)
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Season 13 Mid-Season Draft

Ok, so technically this draft is happening slightly past the middle of the season. Blame ABC for that one.

I don’t know about you guys, but my team is hurting this season. The below is an accurate representation of my current team, if that cat were Peter and I were the dragger. We won’t give up, but we’d really like another cat to limp over the finish line with us.

tenor

Regardless of whether your team has hemorrhaged players like mine has, you will have an opportunity to shake things up and boost your point-earning potential through the end of the season.

See the instructions below for how it works. Remember that this is totally optional. If you’re the commissioner of your league, you can choose whether or not to have a mid-season draft.

The Rules:

– If your team is NOT fully intact (i.e., you no longer have all of the contestants you originally drafted):
  • You can draft exactly one more brochacho to your roster.

– If your team IS fully intact:

  • You get a bonus of 50 points
  • OR you can swap out one of your existing contestants for another dude

When To Draft:

– You should complete the mid-season draft BEFORE the start of Episode 7 on Monday. Email/text/send an owl to your league commissioner with your chosen contestant.

Points:

– If you add one dude to your roster, you’ll receive points for your new team for the ENTIRETY of Episode 7 (and for the rest of the season).
– If your team is intact and you decide to swap out one of your existing contestants, you’ll only receive points for your NEW team during Episode 7 (and the rest of the season). For example, say you decide to get rid of Matt and add Peter. If Matt gets a rose during Episode 7, kisses the Bachelorette, etc., he is no longer on your team and you no longer get points for his actions. K?

Updated Scoresheet!

Hi friends. It wasn’t enough for ABC to require 4 hours of our lives this week. They also had to eff up our mid-season draft.

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If your league had their shit together and did the mid-season draft between the Monday and Tuesday episodes, go ahead and pin a rose on your goody two shoes little nose.

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JK WE LOVE YOU AND ARE VERY PROUD OF YOUR COMMITMENT. If, you are a mere mortal like us and did NOT get it together, you’ll need an updated scoring sheet. We support you either way.

Attached here is the updated sheet. This will work for those of you who plan to do a mid-season draft before Monday’s episode. Simply copy and paste the contents of your “League Member Teams” and “Contestant Scores” tabs from your existing spreadsheet and everything will update.

We’ll post instructions for the draft this week (spoiler alert: it will be basically the same as last year)!

BachFantasy Scoresheet Rachel Season

Season 13, Episode 6: Points

Lee got fired and subsequently ditched in the wilds of Norway on the two-on-one. Hope he’s read Hatchet recently. Dude has to sail by the stars back to the U.S.

We also lost a TON of good men this week (Anthony, Josiah, Kenny, Will, and Alex) — if your team is hurting, never fear. We’ve got the Mid-Season Draft coming up this week. Stay tuned for another post on that later this week.

Also: Bryan won the wildcard points for being the first person to predict that Lee was going to go home on the two-on-one date.

  • Adam: 145 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for/in love with her” to the camera (20 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Needing medical attention at any point (20 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
  • Alex: 75 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Anthony: 0 points
  • Bryan: 90 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Wildcard: first guy (other than Kenny) to predict that Lee is going home on the two-on-one (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Dean: 100 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Eric: 125 points STAT CORRECTION 
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for/in love with her” to the camera (20 points)
    • Getting the rose on his one-on-one date (25 points)
  • Josiah: 0 points
  • Kenny: 180 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a two-on-one date (40 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Needing medical attention at any point (20 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for/in love with her” to the camera (20 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Lee: 20 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
  • Matt: 95 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Peter: 115 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
  • Will: 45 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)

Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

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Season 13, Episode 5: Points

A few hot takes from last night’s episode that I just have to get off my chest:

  • I’m going to make my new ringtone Kenny stage-whispering to Lee: “You’re a BITCH!”
  • The kiss between Jack Stone and Rachel:

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  • The Norwegian handball coach saying, “Handball is life” without a hint of irony was a top quote of the evening.
  • Rachel is FEELING Peter and so. are. we. Dayum. Have some cutie little gap-toothed babies already!
  • One of the clearest signs that Lee is a red flag of a human being (as if the racist tweets and highly punchable face weren’t enough)? The fact that he weight-lifts in cowboy boots and jeans. What. On. God’s. Green. Earth.

Okay, let’s get down to business. No wildcard points awarded last night. There will be wildcard points for tomorrow, however. Stay tuned.

A note: typically we do the Mid-Season Draft between Episode 5 and 6, but this season, we’re doing it AFTER Episode 6 (before Episode 7) because we can’t possibly expect all of our leagues to get that shiz ready within 24 hours. We haven’t been training for back-to-back Bachelorette viewings. We’re wheezing on the steps. We’re out of breath. So look for more information on the Mid-Season Draft coming later this week.

  • Adam: 35 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Alex: 45 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Anthony: 35 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Bryan: 110 points (STAT CORRECTION)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love with you” to her (20 points)
  • Dean: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Eric: 45 points 
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Iggy: 25 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Jack Stone: 35 points
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
      • Note: he said he could see himself falling in love, not that he was falling in love. Ergo, no points!
  • Jonathan: 0 points
  • Josiah: 50  points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Kenny: 115 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
  • Lee: 85 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
  • Matt: 40 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (5 points)
  • Peter: 50 points 
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Will: 80 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)

Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

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Season 13, Episode 4: Points

Getting right to the points today! Wildcard points would’ve gone to the first dude to fix his hair (presumably before a date) but we didn’t see anyone doing it, so no puntos.

  • Adam: 55 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
  • Alex: 20 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Anthony: 20 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Brady: 0 points
  • Bryan: 60 points
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s on-on-one time (5 points)
  • Bryce: 0 points
  • Dean: 165 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Saying I’m “falling in love with her” to the camera (20 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Diggy: 0 points
  • Eric: 35 points 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Iggy: 70 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
  • Jack Stone: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jonathan: 50 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
  • Josiah: 50 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
  • Kenny: 70 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Singing for the Bachelorette (5 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
  • Lee: 120 points
    • Saying “I’m not here to make friends” (15 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
    • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Matt: 45 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Peter: 65 points 
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Singing for the Bachelorette (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Will: 50 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)

Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

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Season 13, Episode 3: Points

Whaboom vs. Aspiring Drummer was the TV feud I didn’t know I needed. We were laughing so hard we upset the dog.

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The Bach needs more Ellen, less urban horseback riding, and more mud-wrestling (but only with the dudes).

We didn’t give Bryce points for talking shit about another contestant, by name — because he didn’t talk to the Bachelorette, he told Raven and Company. Oh my god, that’s the name of my new distressed jeans company.

Wildcard points were going to be 15 to the first guy to comfort Rachel about DeMario, but no one really did. So, two weeks with no wildcard points. We’ll try and get a good category next week.

ALSO LIFE UPDATE: both yo’ girls are now living in Denver. We’re trying to get back on the East Coast/Midwest live tweet stream…but in the meantime, we’ll be tweeting on mountain time.

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  • Adam: 70 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Alex: 100 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on the group date (35 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Anthony: 115 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Blake E.: 15 points -STAT CORRECTION
    • Saying that someone in the house “is not here for the right reasons” (15 points)
  • Brady: 75 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Bryan: 65 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Bryce: 75 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Dean: 55 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • DeMario: 0 points
  • Diggy: 45 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Eric: 105 points 
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Getting the rose on the group date (35 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Fred: 50 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Iggy: 60 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Jack Stone: 70 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Jamey: 0 points
  • Jonathan: 55 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Josiah: 15 points
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Kenny: 80 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Lee: 90 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Lucas: 35 points 
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
    • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Matt: 40 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Peter: 40 points 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Will: 65 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)

Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Season 13, Episode 2: Points

Last night had some high highs (the Kunis-Kutchers! Copper the Doggo! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!) and some low lows (whaboom! fake baby poop! Lee playing basketball!).

I am slightly alarmed that they wouldn’t talk about Copper’s cause of injury on-air. I think a Bach producer ran him over. Swear to God. We saw a healthy, four-legged Copper last week, and the doggo has likely been sequestered at the Bach compound — where else could he be? I will be looking into this further. Stay woke. #Justice4Copper

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Anyway, I’m shipping Peter and Rachel and their adorable little baby gap teeth at the moment.

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How fantastic was it when DeMario’s girlfriend showed up with RECEIPTS to bring him down. And then our new lady friend swore on her kittens and her father’s grave that DeMario was f@$king her three days before the show began. Ex-bish of DeMario, you a little crazy and I love you!

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When confronted with Rachel and his ex-girlfriend of seven months, together in the very gymnasium where he was literally dunking on bros just minutes before, DeMario was all:

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We were also graced with our first cliffhanger of the season, so just because a dude has 0 points does not mean he was sent home. Next week, the gentlemen suitors will get double points if there are in fact two rose ceremonies.

Wildcard points: 15 big boys to the first dude to go swimming, with 5 bonus points if it’s a cannonball. Those technically went to Adam Jr. (the haunted mannequin left unattended to drown — watch your kids around water, it only takes a minute). But in reality, we couldn’t award the points to anyone because they showed like 10 of the dudes in the pool at once.

  • Adam: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Alex: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Singing or playing an instrument for the Bachelorette (5 points)
  • Anthony: 0 points
  • Blake E.: 45 points 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
    • Saying that someone in the house “is not here for the right reasons” (15 points)
  • Brady: 0 points
  • Bryan: 10 points
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Bryce: 0 points
  • Dean: 55 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • DeMario: 85 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Having a secret girlfriend at home (25 points)
    • Coming back to the show to beg for another chance (50 points)
  • Diggy: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Eric: 25 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Fred: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Iggy: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Jack Stone: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Jamey: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Jonathan: 10  points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Josiah: 55 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
  • Kenny: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
  • Lee: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Lucas: 45 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Matt: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Peter: 75 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (COPPER) (15 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Will: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)

Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.