Tag Archives: Chris Soules

Season 19, Episode 11: Points

Another season down the corn silo, folks! Who won in your league? Any upsets? I think Whitney was the most excited winner in the show’s history. I half-expected her to chew up that final rose and swallow it. But dagnabbit if I don’t believe in their love. My jagged edges are being sanded down with each passing year.

ALSO: can we talk about the double dose of Bachelorettes? Becca put it best in a tweet last night:

Screen Shot 2015-03-09 at 11.42.59 PM

Throw us a frickin’ bone here, ABC. Okay, here are the points from last night’s finale.

  • Becca: 55 points (stat correction)
    • Kissing Chris (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Saying, “I’m falling for you” to Chris (20 points)
  • Whitney: 200 points
    • Kissing Chris (10 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for him” to the camera (20 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to Chris (30 points)
    • Winning the Final Rose (100 points)

Bonus Points for Having Drafted the Next Bachelorette 

  • Britt: 40 points
    • Being chosen as the next Bachelorette (40 points)
  • Kaitlyn: 40 points
    • Being chosen as the next Bachelorette (40 points)

Don’t forget to check back in with us before the Bachelorette: 2 Hot 2 Handle kicks off, and tell your Bach-lovin’ friends about us, too. Thanks so much for playing along. It’s been a pleasure!

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Season 19, Women Tell All: Points

“Can I just say something?” Too bad that question wasn’t a points category because I heard it about 35 times from the peanut gallery last night.

Nothing was really clarified, though. I don’t think Kaitlyn, Britt, or Jade got the closure they were hoping for from Chris. Carly emerged as a pseudo-villain. Ashley S., fresh off her onion farm, pranced around the stage. I’d love to get her going on a “9/11 was an inside job” rant. Kelsey cemented her role as the least sympathetic widow in the history of television. Chris Harrison wrote a romance novel (?) that I’d only consider buying to be ironic.

In other words, it was classic Bach.

Remember, these points are optional, and you can choose in your league if you want to award them to your teams post mid-season draft or from episode 1.

  • Ashley S.: 25 points
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Britt: 65 points
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Asking Chris Soules why he got rid of her (15 points)
  • Carly: 30 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
  • Jade: 65 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)
    • Asking Chris Soules why he got rid of her (15 points)
  • Kaitlyn: 40 points
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)
    • Asking Chris Soules why he got rid of her (15 points)
  • Kelsey: 75 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Mentioning a previous fiance or husband (10 points)
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Megan: 10 points
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Trina: 20 points
    • Saying “I’m not here to make friends” (20 points)
    • Editor’s note: she said, “It’s the Bachelor; you’re not here to make friends!” but it’s damn close so we’re giving it to her.

 

You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Introducing (Optional) “Women Tell All” Special Points Categories

Based on popular opinion from last season, we’re going to score the “Women Tell All” episode this year. It’s completely optional, so if you decide not to award these points in your league, ain’t no thang.

We’ve decided to only award points to the contestants belonging to each team AFTER the mid-season draft. Some of you pointed out that it seems like we’re punishing people who drafted well (i.e. have Whitney and Becca remaining on their teams and thus don’t have an opportunity to score as many points in the Women Tell All). We’re actually hoping that this gives teams who aren’t doing as well a chance to catch up and make the finale even more exciting in your leagues.

If you disagree, feel free to award points to the original teams you drafted. Talk to your commissioner and just make sure you’re all on the same page.

Onto the fun stuff!

Y’all submitted some terrific points categories. We culled through the list and pulled out our favorites. Here’s what we’ll be scoring during the Women Tell All (in addition to the regular points):

  • Entering a guess as to who will win the show (5 points)
  • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
  • Mentioning a new romantic interest in her life (10 points)
  • Asking Chris why he got rid of her (15 points)
  • Admitting that feelings still remain for Chris (20 points)
  • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview with Chris Harrison (25 points)

No wildcard points for this episode. Good luck!

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Season 19, Episode 9: Points

Fantaaaasy suiiiiteeesssss!

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Wildcard points: 40 points went to Becca for being the first woman to say, “I’m so excited to spend alone time with Chris/without cameras.”

  • Becca: 170 points
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love” to Chris (20 points)
    • Wildcard points (40 points)
    • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Kaitlyn: 130 points
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love” to Chris (20 points)
    • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Whitney: 175 points
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased love one (10 points)
    • Saying “I love you” (30 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love with Chris” (20 points)
    • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Women Tell All: Special Points Edition

We’re going to add a few special categories to score during the Women Tell All episode next Monday and we’d love your suggestions. Points categories can be phrases or actions. For example, “Rolling her eyes when someone else is talking: 20 points” or “Getting bleeped for profanity: 15 points.” Leave a comment with your suggested categories and we’re going to pick our favorites.

We’ll send out a blog post by Friday with the special points listed out.

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Season 19, Episode 7 and Episode 8: Points

Chris came in to this week guns blazin’, ready to break some hearts. Poor Megan needed a motorcycle helmet on her heart, Carly needed buckets of Pepto, and Britt needed to get her story straight. Arlington: hot or not?

Now that we’ve all invested 4 hours of our week in The Bachelor, let’s see where it leaves our teams.
Wildcard Points Winners: Britt nabbed the wildcard points in each episode—see below.

Episode 7 Points

  • Becca: 0 points
  • Britt: 70 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • WILDCARD points for saying she really needed the one-on-one time (25 points)
  • Carly: 45 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Jade: 50 points
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love with Chris” to the camera (20 points)
  • Kaitlyn: 125 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 point)
    • Getting the rose on the group date (30 points)
    • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Megan: 25 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Whitney: 60 points
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love with Chris” to the camera (20 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)

Episode 8 Points

  • Becca: 130 points
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Making it to the Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week at the end of the episode (25 points)
  • Britt: 60 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • WILDCARD points for telling Chris she could see herself in Iowa (25 points)
  • Carly: 25 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Jade: 160 points (stat correction)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Making it to the Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Having a body part blurred out any point (30 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to Chris (20 points)
  • Kaitlyn: 40 points
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Singing for Chris (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week at the end of the episode (25 points)
  • Whitney: 165 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Making it to the Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to Chris (20 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week at the end of the episode (25 points)

You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Season 19, Episode 7 and Episode 8 Update

Because of ABC’s wonky schedule this week (you’re drunk, ABC, go home!), we’ll be posting TWO points updates tomorrow (Tuesday): one for Episode 7 and one for Episode 8.

So if you’re wondering where your points are today, worry not. They’ll be delivered first thing in the morning Tuesday.

Wildcard points for Episode 8: 25 points to the first lady who says that she can “see herself living in Iowa” (or similar).

You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Season 19, Episode 6: Recap

Can somebody explain to us what exactly was the intended date activity in the Badlands (besides death stares and backstabbing)? Did they plan to just roll around on the bed that somebody airlifted from the set of Faith Hill’s “Breathe” music video?

The Five Best Moments That Earned Points

  1. Ashley I.’s crying face. It’s exactly like a toddler having a tantrum in the candy aisle.
  2. Kelsey’s self-diagnosed “panic attack.” We WebMD-ed her symptoms just to check. Turns out the medical diagnosis here is “Manipulative Temper Tantrum.”
  3. Britt dancing with Chris at the Big & Rich concert, while hearing the song “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” for what was clearly the first time. Did she not have ears in 2004?
  4. The most awkward helicopter ride in Bachelor history. Kelsey tried very hard to impress Chris and Ashley I. (who like, totally has a Master’s degree too, okay?!?!) by reciting the president’s faces on Mt. Rushmore. Calm down, Wikipedia.
  5. Kaitlyn spitting out some country rhymez on the group date. Leave it to our girl Kait to shut a date down, flip it, and reverse it.

The Five Best Moments That Didn’t Earn Points

  1. When Chris choppered off solo into the sunset, leaving Kelsey and Ashley I. alone in the Badlands.you-can-walk-home
  2. Jade’s awkward run down the streets of Deadwood with Big (or was it Rich?) in order to unlock her songwriting potential. You know that cameraman was like, “Slow down, fuckers.”
  3. Kelsey’s ice-cold, laser staredown at Ashley I. when she returned to the canopy bed in the Badlands (sidebar: Canopy Bed in the Badlands would make a great band name. I call it. Mine.).
  4. Chris, returning to the group date with Britt, offering a lukewarm non-apology for being a teensy bit insensitive to his other girlfriends while on the date, and then peacing the eff out of there. Screen Shot 2015-02-15 at 4.04.56 PM
  5. Chris’s adorable schoolgirl giggle, which was out in full force during his one-on-one with Becca. Some peeps on Twitter seemed creeped out by it. I found it oddly endearing.

Wildcard points for tonight: 25 points to the first lady who says, “I really need this one-on-one date” (or similar).

Get ready for two back-to-back episodes this week!

You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Season 19, Episode 6: Points

Last night was a points bonanza! If looks could kill, there’d be no one left standing on this show. The girls were throwing major shade at group-date-rose-winner Britt, who—according to Whitney—committed the cardinal sin of not even appreciating country music. We ended with a delicious two-on-one date with Ashley I. and Kelsey in the Elephant Graveyard from The Lion King. As soon as that date card arrived, I was like:

6f6

On to the points. This might be an unpopular decision but I’m gonna double-down, (so just try and come at me, bro): Whitney is the only one seen do-si-doing on camera with Chris after all the ladies sang individually on the group date. I watched it about five times. Once in slow-mo. So she’s the only one we’re awarding dancing points to (besides Britt, who danced at the concert with Chris).

Peace be with you.

Lastly, we didn’t award any rose ceremony points for the end of Episode 6 because there wasn’t a rose ceremony. Chris did send both Ashley I. and Kelsey home, so that’s probz why ABC skipped the rose ceremony. But no rose = no points.

  • Ashley I.: 75 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week in Episode 5 (25 points)
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
  • Becca: 80 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week in Episode 5 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week in Episode 6 (25 points)
  • Britt: 60 points
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Singing for Chris (5 points)
    • Getting the rose on the group date (30 points)
    • Dancing with Chris (5 points)
  • Carly: 40 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Singing for Chris (5 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Jade: 50 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week in Episode 5 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Singing for Chris (5 points)
    • Kissing Chris on the lips (10 points)
  • Kaitlyn: 40 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week in Episode 5 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Singing for Chris (5 points)
  • Kelsey: 125 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week in Episode 5 (25 points)
    • Needing medical attention (20 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Mentioning a previous fiance or husband (10 points)
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Wildcard points for calling Chris “handsome” on the two-on-one date (20 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Mackenzie: 25 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Megan: 40 points 
    • Getting the rose to stay another week in Episode 5 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Singing for Chris (5 points)
  • Samantha: 0 points
  • Whitney: 45 points (stat correction)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Singing for Chris (5 points)
    • Dancing with Chris (5 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)

If you think we made a mistake with any of the points, please let us know in the comments below. You may have caught something we didn’t.

You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Introducing the Mid-Season Draft!

The rumors are true—it’s time for a mid-season draft to shake up your standings. Please note that this is completely optional. If your league isn’t down to clown, it’s no big deal.

If you are foaming at the mouth for a mid-season draft, then keep reading.

The Rules:

– If your team is NOT fully intact (i.e., you no longer have all of the contestants you originally drafted):
  • You can draft exactly one more lady to your roster.

 

– If your team IS fully intact:
  • You get a bonus of 70 points
  • OR you can swap out one of your existing contestants for another lady.

 

When To Draft:

– You can complete the mid-season draft BEFORE the start of Episode 6 on Monday. (Just be aware that the bonus lady you draft may get the axe immediately. Such is life.) It’s up to you and your league.
– Because of the cliffhanger ending to episode 5 (ugh, way to chap my ass, ABC), our league is going to pause AFTER the first rose ceremony next Monday (technically, episode five’s rose ceremony) and complete the mid-season draft by emailing the commissioner with our chosen contestant. This has to be done IMMEDIATELY after the first rose ceremony is over.

Points:

– No matter which way you draft, you’ll receive points for your new team for the ENTIRETY of episode 6.
  • For example, if you pause after Episode 6’s first rose ceremony to draft Jade to your team, and she receives two roses at both ceremonies, you’ll receive all of those points. Drafting AFTER the first rose ceremony of the night just ensures that you aren’t adding a lady to your team who will be immediately axed. That’s it.
– Normally, our points categories are awarded once per episode per contestant. However, we’re making an exception in Episode 6 for the category “Getting the rose to stay another week”, worth 25 points. Ladies will be eligible for those points twice this week, once per rose ceremony (assuming there ARE two rose ceremonies).
Questions? Y’all are dang thorough with everything Bach-related (which is why we all get along so well), so we expect a few. Let us know in the comments!
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Season 19: Episode 4 Recap

Chris may have been relieved of one Ashley this week, but he isn’t safe yet. How much longer will the producers force Chris to keep Ashley I. around, subjecting him to her make out attacks and all-around Stage 5 Clinger behavior? I’m sure she packed enough Princess Dresses for all ten weeks, but I think she’s got another two episodes max. Hers is an exit I can’t. wait. for.

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Let’s all take a mini-journey of our own, and revisit the most bonkers moments of episode four.

The Five Best Moments That Earned Points

  1. Jade’s Cinderella-themed date, which was the most appropriate (if trite) movie plug ABC has ever pulled off in the history of the show. Remember when it was The Lone Ranger during Desiree’s season? More Americans saw the 30-second clip of Des watching The Lone Ranger on “The Bachelor” than actually saw The Lone Ranger.
  2. Ashley S. planted a juicy one on Chris after whisper-seducing him with that most flirtatious of lines, “What are you? What are you?” Way to take one for the viewing audience, Chris. Purell those lips, bro.
  3. Ashley S. also swooped in with the very first “I love you” of the season. She was just an alien, standing in front of a human male, asking him to love her (and get her back to her home planet).
  4. Kaitlyn ditched her bottoms for an impromptu daytime skinny-dip session on the group camping date. It was less “sexy skinny dipping” and more “hanging a full moon.”
  5. Jillian snoozed in the pool with her kibbles and bits hanging out, per usual. Let’s start the grassroots campaign now: Jillian’s Black Box for the next Bachelorette.

The Five Best Moments That Didn’t Earn Points

  1. Next year, we’re adding the category “Mentions his/her virginity.” Gotta be worth at least 10 to 15 points. And a negative 25 points every time a fully grown-ass woman refers to herself as “innocent.”
  2. When Jillian forgot she wasn’t in the locker room at the local CrossFit and asked Chris if he’d rather bang a stinky hobo with a “bird in her hair, the whole nine” or abstain from sex for five years.
  3. The Bachelor producers went meta for the second group date and made the women physically compete in an obstacle course race while wearing wedding dresses. There were so many layers to that date that somewhere, a grad student is framing her women’s studies thesis paper around it.
  4. Jealousy is pretty par for the course on this show. But Ashley I. took it to the next level when she became so obsessed the princess date she wasn’t invited on, that she got ready for it anyway and paraded around in the house in her rhinestone and desperation encrusted gown.
  5. The moment Becca casually mentioned that she was also a virgin, but a virgin who plays it supes cool. Consider Ashley I.’s thunder stolen. THIS HOUSE AIN’T BIG ENOUGH FOR TWO VIRGINS.

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Wildcard points: first woman to tell Chris that this is “harder than she expected” next episode gets 15 points

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