Can somebody explain to us what exactly was the intended date activity in the Badlands (besides death stares and backstabbing)? Did they plan to just roll around on the bed that somebody airlifted from the set of Faith Hill’s “Breathe” music video?
The Five Best Moments That Earned Points
- Ashley I.’s crying face. It’s exactly like a toddler having a tantrum in the candy aisle.
- Kelsey’s self-diagnosed “panic attack.” We WebMD-ed her symptoms just to check. Turns out the medical diagnosis here is “Manipulative Temper Tantrum.”
- Britt dancing with Chris at the Big & Rich concert, while hearing the song “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” for what was clearly the first time. Did she not have ears in 2004?
- The most awkward helicopter ride in Bachelor history. Kelsey tried very hard to impress Chris and Ashley I. (who like, totally has a Master’s degree too, okay?!?!) by reciting the president’s faces on Mt. Rushmore. Calm down, Wikipedia.
- Kaitlyn spitting out some country rhymez on the group date. Leave it to our girl Kait to shut a date down, flip it, and reverse it.
The Five Best Moments That Didn’t Earn Points
- When Chris choppered off solo into the sunset, leaving Kelsey and Ashley I. alone in the Badlands.
- Jade’s awkward run down the streets of Deadwood with Big (or was it Rich?) in order to unlock her songwriting potential. You know that cameraman was like, “Slow down, fuckers.”
- Kelsey’s ice-cold, laser staredown at Ashley I. when she returned to the canopy bed in the Badlands (sidebar: Canopy Bed in the Badlands would make a great band name. I call it. Mine.).
- Chris, returning to the group date with Britt, offering a lukewarm non-apology for being a teensy bit insensitive to his other girlfriends while on the date, and then peacing the eff out of there.
- Chris’s adorable schoolgirl giggle, which was out in full force during his one-on-one with Becca. Some peeps on Twitter seemed creeped out by it. I found it oddly endearing.
Wildcard points for tonight: 25 points to the first lady who says, “I really need this one-on-one date” (or similar).
Get ready for two back-to-back episodes this week!
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