Season 13, Episode 3: Points

Whaboom vs. Aspiring Drummer was the TV feud I didn’t know I needed. We were laughing so hard we upset the dog.

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The Bach needs more Ellen, less urban horseback riding, and more mud-wrestling (but only with the dudes).

We didn’t give Bryce points for talking shit about another contestant, by name — because he didn’t talk to the Bachelorette, he told Raven and Company. Oh my god, that’s the name of my new distressed jeans company.

Wildcard points were going to be 15 to the first guy to comfort Rachel about DeMario, but no one really did. So, two weeks with no wildcard points. We’ll try and get a good category next week.

ALSO LIFE UPDATE: both yo’ girls are now living in Denver. We’re trying to get back on the East Coast/Midwest live tweet stream…but in the meantime, we’ll be tweeting on mountain time.

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  • Adam: 70 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Alex: 100 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on the group date (35 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Anthony: 115 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Blake E.: 15 points -STAT CORRECTION
    • Saying that someone in the house “is not here for the right reasons” (15 points)
  • Brady: 75 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Bryan: 65 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Bryce: 75 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Dean: 55 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • DeMario: 0 points
  • Diggy: 45 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Eric: 105 points 
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Getting the rose on the group date (35 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Fred: 50 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Iggy: 60 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Jack Stone: 70 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Jamey: 0 points
  • Jonathan: 55 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Josiah: 15 points
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Kenny: 80 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Lee: 90 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Lucas: 35 points 
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
    • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Matt: 40 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Peter: 40 points 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Will: 65 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)

Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

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Season 13, Episode 2: Points

Last night had some high highs (the Kunis-Kutchers! Copper the Doggo! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!) and some low lows (whaboom! fake baby poop! Lee playing basketball!).

I am slightly alarmed that they wouldn’t talk about Copper’s cause of injury on-air. I think a Bach producer ran him over. Swear to God. We saw a healthy, four-legged Copper last week, and the doggo has likely been sequestered at the Bach compound — where else could he be? I will be looking into this further. Stay woke. #Justice4Copper

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Anyway, I’m shipping Peter and Rachel and their adorable little baby gap teeth at the moment.

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How fantastic was it when DeMario’s girlfriend showed up with RECEIPTS to bring him down. And then our new lady friend swore on her kittens and her father’s grave that DeMario was f@$king her three days before the show began. Ex-bish of DeMario, you a little crazy and I love you!

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When confronted with Rachel and his ex-girlfriend of seven months, together in the very gymnasium where he was literally dunking on bros just minutes before, DeMario was all:

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We were also graced with our first cliffhanger of the season, so just because a dude has 0 points does not mean he was sent home. Next week, the gentlemen suitors will get double points if there are in fact two rose ceremonies.

Wildcard points: 15 big boys to the first dude to go swimming, with 5 bonus points if it’s a cannonball. Those technically went to Adam Jr. (the haunted mannequin left unattended to drown — watch your kids around water, it only takes a minute). But in reality, we couldn’t award the points to anyone because they showed like 10 of the dudes in the pool at once.

  • Adam: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Alex: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Singing or playing an instrument for the Bachelorette (5 points)
  • Anthony: 0 points
  • Blake E.: 45 points 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
    • Saying that someone in the house “is not here for the right reasons” (15 points)
  • Brady: 0 points
  • Bryan: 10 points
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Bryce: 0 points
  • Dean: 55 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • DeMario: 85 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Having a secret girlfriend at home (25 points)
    • Coming back to the show to beg for another chance (50 points)
  • Diggy: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Eric: 25 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Fred: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Iggy: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Jack Stone: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Jamey: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Jonathan: 10  points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Josiah: 55 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
  • Kenny: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
  • Lee: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Lucas: 45 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Matt: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Peter: 75 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (COPPER) (15 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Will: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)

Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

 

Updated Score Sheet

I thought this would be the season I produced a flawless scoring spreadsheet, guys. Three weeks ago, I added “update BachFantasy scoresheet” to my to-do list, with grand plans to take my time meticulously testing every last cell. Yet, I still ended up hastily updating it between mouthfuls of Kale Caesar salad (sup, Sweetgreen) the day we posted it, sending it off and hoping I’d be rewarded for my procrastination with a miracle of perfection.

 

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Anyway, I fixed it. If you’d prefer to just update your copy, it’s a very simple fix. On each of the Episode tabs, you just have to update the formulas in row 33 to sum rows 2 – 32. So, for example, the formula in B33 should be =SUM(B1:B32). Fix it in B33 and then just paste it all across row 33. Repeat on all the episode tabs.

ALSO, I updated Diggy’s name to be just Diggy (and re-alphabetized). Hard to tell which nicknames are going to stick. Who knew?

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Alright, if you’re still reading this unnecessarily long post, have a great MDW. Be safe and make good choices.

BachFantasy Scoresheet Rachel Season

Season 13, Episode 1: Points

Welcome, welcome as we kick off Season 13 of “The Bachelorette.” How did your team handle the first Purge? I’m already one man down and nervous about my chances this season.

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Reminder that we announce our wildcard points category each Monday before the show starts on Twitter. Follow us there to see what it is. (And come live-tweet with us! There are gifs and snark a-plenty to make it worth your while.)

Wildcard points: 15 points went to the first guy to arrive in anything but a limo. Those went to Blake E., who arrived in the middle of a marching band, presumably because he is an “aspiring drummer.” It seems like he is aspiring to be the house tattletale, which will likely be his demise. Gotta get fluent in Bachelorese before you go on this show, Blakey boy.

Onto the points!

  • Adam: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Alex: 35 points
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Anthony: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Blake E.: 45 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Wildcard points (15 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Singing or playing an instrument for the Bachelorette (5 points)
  • Blake K: 0 points
  • Brady: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Bryan: 50 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the First Impression Rose (35 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Bryce: 30 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Dean: 30 points
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (sandcastle equipment) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • DeMario: 35 points
    • Singing or playing an instrument for the Bachelorette (5 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Diggy: 30 points
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Eric: 30 points
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Fred: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Grant: 0 points
  • Iggy: 30 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jack Stone: 35 points
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jamey: 30 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jedidiah: 0 points
  • Jonathan: 30 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Josiah: 35 points
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Kenny: 35 points
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Kyle: 5 points
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (Jamaican buns, I think he said?) (5 points)
  • Lee: 40 points
    • Singing or playing an instrument for the Bachelorette (5 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (a flower) (5 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Lucas: 55 points
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (whaboom shirt) (5 points)
    • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Matt: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Michael: 5 points
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (brownie) (5 points)
  • Milton: 25 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Mohit: 20 points
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Peter: 30 points
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (chocolates she didn’t like) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Rob: 5 points
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (first round draft pick card — UM IS THIS A SHOUT OUT?!) (5 points)
  • Will: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
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Welcome to “The Bachelorette” Fantasy League, Season 13

Raise your hand if you felt personally victimized by ABC for not releasing the cast bios until FOUR DAYS before “The Bachelorette” started.

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I mean, sweet Moses! We need ample time to carefully research our picks, ABC. We comb through those bios. Check up on contestants’ social media accounts. This isn’t a rush-order job.

Me, researching my picks, this weekend:

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We kick off Season 13 of “The Bachelorette” with extremely high hopes thanks to our intelligent, beautiful Bach, Rachel — the show’s first ever POC Bachelor or Bachelorette, which is insane. Are we very nervous that the show/its contestants will not handle the subject of race delicately? Oh, yeah, you bet.

We put out a call on Twitter for new suggested points categories and we got some great ones. In fact, we chose three of your suggestions, and we’ll file away some of the others for wildcard points to pepper in throughout the season.

If you’ve never played before, or if this is your SEVENTH season playing, read on for the details below. Welcome to the 75th Annual Hunger Games!

HOW OUR BACHELORETTE FANTASY LEAGUE WORKS

1) Gather your “Bachelorette”-loving friends and coworkers, and choose a League Commissioner. The Commissioner is responsible for tallying league members’ points each week and sharing the standings with the league.

2) Choose how your league is going to run your draft (read more on that below) and submit your contestant picks to your league commissioner.

3) Watch “The Bachelorette” every Monday night, beginning May 22 on ABC.

4) Visit this blog every Tuesday to see how each of your contestants scored. The league commissioner should add up the point totals for each team in order to figure out the weekly rankings. You can use our BachFantasy Scoring Template to keep track of your league members’ scores.

THE DRAFT

You have a few options when it comes to drafting your Bachelorette fantasy league team of five contestants. Click here to read more about how to draft your team.

POINTS CATEGORIES

When picking contestants, you’re the team owner. So, go with your gut. The Crazies earn a lot of points (and they’re the very lifeblood of the show’s existence), but you’ll be most rewarded for picking contestants who go the distance.

Points are divided into Phrases, Actions, and Roses. We post a wildcard points category on Twitter every Monday before the episode airs, so be sure to follow us there for the latest info.

There will also be a mid-season draft after Episode 5 in which you’ll be able to add one player to your team if it’s no longer intact. Don’t worry about that for now; there will be more deets later. Onto the points!

We’ve added three (count ’em, THREE) sparkling new points categories this year: Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points); Shoving another contestant (20 points); and Being hugged by the Bachelorette with the leg wraparound (10 points).

We also made an update to an old category. In the past, a contestant only received points for saying the phrase “not here for the right reasons” to the Bachelor/ette. This season, we did away with that last part. If a contestant utters those magical words at any point on-air, he gets points.

Phrases

  • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Mentioning a previous fiancee or wife (10 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
  • Discussing his virginity (15 points)
  • Saying that someone in the house “is not here for the right reasons” (15 points) [UPDATED FOR 2017]
  • Saying “I’m not here to make friends” (15 points)
  • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points) [NEW IN 2017]
  • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for/in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
  • Being told “I love you” by theBachelorette (50 points)

Actions

  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Bonus: using the phrase “steal [the Bachelorette] away” during said interruption (5 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Singing or playing an instrument for the Bachelorette (5 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (5 points)
  • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Must be sitting on the ground
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
  • Being hugged by the Bachelorette with legs wrapped around him (10 points) [NEW IN 2017]
  • Attending a concert (10 points)
  • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Being apart of the “team” who wins alone time with the Bachelorette on a group date (15 points)
  • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Shoving another contestant (20 points) [NEW IN 2017]
  • Interrupting a rose ceremony to ask to speak with the Bachelorette alone (20 points)
  • Needing medical attention at any point (20 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Must actually see moisture fall; we’re sticklers on this
  • Having a secret girlfriend at home (25 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out any point (30 points)
    • Only for nudity; having your mouth blurred for profanity doesn’t count
  • Leaving the show early on his own accord (30 points)
  • Drafting the next Bachelor on your team (40 points)
  • Coming back to the show to beg for another chance (50 points)

Roses

  • Getting the First Impression Rose (35 points, only available first night)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Getting the rose on a group date (now worth 35 points)
  • Getting the rose on a two-on-one date (40 points)
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Accepting the Fantasy Suite (75 points)
  • Refusing the Fantasy Suite when the Bachelorette is game (-75 points)
  • Proposing or being proposed to (85 points)
  • Winning the Final Rose (100 points)

Wildcard Points 

Each week, we’ll announce the wildcard category for the next episode on Twitter (so follow us there for up-to-date info). It will change each week, and is only awarded to one man per episode. For example, one wildcard category might be: the first man to break into song this week gets 25 points.

SCORING

We’ll score each episode for you and post each contestant’s scores every Tuesday. Be sure to check back every Tuesday to see how your teams are stacking up against one another within your own league. We’ll also be posting an episode recap for those of you just can’t get enough Bach.

Will you be joining us this season? Let us know your league or individual team name in the comments. We love your puns. 

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Season 21, Episode 11: Points

And the award goes to…Vanessa, in a move that surprised no one. Hope you nabbed the trophy in your league. Never let your friends forget you absolutely DESTROYED their asses in BachFantasy. It’s 1,000X more skillful than winning a March Madness bracket or Super Bowl bet. You should list this win on your resume.

As always, thanks for playing along with us this season! Take care in the off season: rest up, go on vacation, adopt a dog, etc. We’ll see you soon.

  • Raven: 105 points
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Giving the Bachelor a gift (5 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelor’s family and/or friends (15 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelor or “I’m falling for/in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelor (30 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Vanessa: 335 points
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelor’s family and/or friends (15 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelor or “I’m falling for/in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelor (30 points)
    • Being told “I love you” by the Bachelor (50 points)
    • Proposing or being proposed to (85 points)
    • Winning the Final Rose (100 points)

Season 21, Episode 10 and Women Tell All: Points

Points: Episode 10

  • Rachel: 130 points 
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love with Nick” to the camera and “I’m falling in love with you” to Nick (20 points)
    • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Raven: 35 points 
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Vanessa: 190 points
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
    • Saying “I’m in love with Nick” to the camera (20 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to Nick (30 points)
    • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Points: Women Tell All 

The Tell All episodes usually bring me great joy — or at least great hilarity — but this crop of ladies had me like:
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At least for the first hour. Talk about a steaming load of manufactured drama. Emotional intelligence. The Great Nap Debate between Corinne and Taylor. Corinne’s Oprah moment, when she gave everyone in the audience a thimble of cheese pasta (it’s called macaroni and cheese, numb nuts).

Then Kristina entered from stage right and flipped this bitch on its head in her understated, wiser-than-her-years way. Kristina, you’re too pure for this world and entirely too good for this show. PLEASE write a memoir.

(Side note: we’re not giving points to Vanessa or Raven for appearing in the Blooper Reel because they weren’t present at the Women Tell All).

  • Alexis: 5 points
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Astrid: 5 points
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Christen: 5 points
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Corinne: 45 points
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
    • Being accused of lying by another contestant (15 points)
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5)
  • Danielle L.: 45 points
    • Asking Nick why he got rid of her/what went wrong (15 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Danielle M.: 5 points
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Dominique: 5 points
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Elizabeth: 0 points
  • Hailey: 5 points
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Jaimi: 5 points
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Jasmine: 10 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
    • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
  • Josephine: 5 points
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Kristina: 45 points
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
    • Asking Nick why he got rid of her/what went wrong (15 points)
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Lacey: 15 points
    • Asking Nick why he got rid of her/what went wrong (15 points)
  • Liz: 50 points
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Rachel: 30 points
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Raven: 5 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Sarah: 5 points
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Taylor: 50 points
    • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
    • Being accused of lying by another contestant (15 points)
    • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Vanessa: 5 points
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Whitney
    • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)

Women Tell All Points Categories

We’re here! We didn’t forget about you or Women Tell All! ABC has really fucked with our internal Bachelor clocks this year, so we forgot that WTA is happening post-Fantasy Suites Pt. 2 tonight. We will score the below categories in addition to all the core categories we score every week.

Here are the bonus WTA points categories:

  • Entering a guess as to which woman will get the final rose (5 points)
  • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
  • Being featured on the Blooper Reel (5 points; available once per contestant)
  • Apologizing to Nick for her behavior on the show (10 points)
  • Speaking negatively about/toward Nick (10 points)
  • Mentioning a new romantic interest in her life (10 points)
  • Being accused of lying by another contestant (15 points)
  • Asking Nick why he got rid of her/what went wrong (15 points)
  • Admitting that feelings still remain for Nick (20 points)
  • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Getting chosen to go on Bachelor in Paradise (25 points)
    • Must be officially announced on the show 

Season 21, Episode 9: Points

No wildcard points last night for our truncated, one-hour episode. Regular points below!

  • Corinne: 45 points  STAT CORRECTION
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Saying “I’m in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
  • Rachel: 45 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Saying “I’m in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
  • Raven: 170 points 
    • Saying “I’m in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelor (30 points)
  • Vanessa: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Season 21, Episode 8: Points

Hometowns!

In Hoxie, Arkansas, Raven and Nick ride ATVs, wrestle in mud and gator piss, and then hike to the top of a grain silo, where her brother fake-arrests them.

In Houston, Rachel’s family was completely adorable…but the date felt pointless because we know she’s the next Bachelorette. Why did ABC release that info so soon?

In Miami, Corinne and Nick created a Clueless montage in Miami’s “most exclusive mall,” before retreating to Corinne’s family’s high-rise apartment, where they ate olives and drank wine out of what can only be described as individual punch bowls.

In Montreal, we met 97 of Vanessa’s closest friends and family (but nary a statement necklace in sight…).

Wildcard points: 15 points to any lady with a family member wearing a statement necklace. Corinne’s dad was rocking a sweet gold chain with a few chest pubes poking out, but a statement necklace it was not.

Onto the points!

  • Corinne: 95 points 
    • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor (10 points)
    • Giving the Bachelor a gift: a $3,000 peacoat (5 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelor (30 points)
  • Rachel: 140 points 
    • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Wildcard points: statement necklaces galore, this family is so cute (15 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love with Nick” to the camera (20 points)
    • Being chosen as the next Bachelorette (40 points)
  • Raven: 115 points 
    • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love with him” to her mom (20 points)
    • Talking about her parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Vanessa: 115 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor (10 points)
    • Talking about her parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Saying “I love Nick/falling in love with Nick” to the camera (20 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Giving a gift to Nick: scrapbook from her students/Italian pocket dictionary (5 points)

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.