Season 13, Episode 2: Points

Last night had some high highs (the Kunis-Kutchers! Copper the Doggo! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!) and some low lows (whaboom! fake baby poop! Lee playing basketball!).

I am slightly alarmed that they wouldn’t talk about Copper’s cause of injury on-air. I think a Bach producer ran him over. Swear to God. We saw a healthy, four-legged Copper last week, and the doggo has likely been sequestered at the Bach compound — where else could he be? I will be looking into this further. Stay woke. #Justice4Copper

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Anyway, I’m shipping Peter and Rachel and their adorable little baby gap teeth at the moment.

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How fantastic was it when DeMario’s girlfriend showed up with RECEIPTS to bring him down. And then our new lady friend swore on her kittens and her father’s grave that DeMario was f@$king her three days before the show began. Ex-bish of DeMario, you a little crazy and I love you!

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When confronted with Rachel and his ex-girlfriend of seven months, together in the very gymnasium where he was literally dunking on bros just minutes before, DeMario was all:

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We were also graced with our first cliffhanger of the season, so just because a dude has 0 points does not mean he was sent home. Next week, the gentlemen suitors will get double points if there are in fact two rose ceremonies.

Wildcard points: 15 big boys to the first dude to go swimming, with 5 bonus points if it’s a cannonball. Those technically went to Adam Jr. (the haunted mannequin left unattended to drown — watch your kids around water, it only takes a minute). But in reality, we couldn’t award the points to anyone because they showed like 10 of the dudes in the pool at once.

  • Adam: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Alex: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Singing or playing an instrument for the Bachelorette (5 points)
  • Anthony: 0 points
  • Blake E.: 45 points 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points)
    • Saying that someone in the house “is not here for the right reasons” (15 points)
  • Brady: 0 points
  • Bryan: 10 points
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Bryce: 0 points
  • Dean: 55 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • DeMario: 85 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Having a secret girlfriend at home (25 points)
    • Coming back to the show to beg for another chance (50 points)
  • Diggy: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Eric: 25 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Fred: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Iggy: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Jack Stone: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Jamey: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Jonathan: 10  points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Josiah: 55 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
  • Kenny: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
  • Lee: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Lucas: 45 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Shoving another contestant (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Matt: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Peter: 75 points – STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (COPPER) (15 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Will: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)

Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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17 thoughts on “Season 13, Episode 2: Points

  1. Kate Lewis says:

    What about the group date winners (Lucas on the husband material challenge and the winning basketball team) – don’t they get points? And what about Lucas shoving his way to victory?

    • Bach Fantasy says:

      Lucas shoving his way to victory FOR SURE counts and I just updated. I forgot that it’s a new category. Unfortunately, the “winners” on group date activities are only awarded points if they receive special alone time with Rachel as a bonus. But Lucas’ points are updated!

  2. Tim says:

    Peter met her dog who she described as an “old friend.” Meeting family/friend points??

  3. Melanie says:

    The most important update! Copper had a cast last week too, it just wasn’t blue! So the injury definitely happened off the Bachelor campus!

    Will be back in touch with any questions but wanted to prioritize this update!

    • Bach Fantasy says:

      HAHAHA, love this Melanie. Rachel tweeted Copper hurt his toe jumping off of something. I’m happy it’s just a toe. I’ve never seen anything as cute on any season of the Bachelor as him hobbling out of the limo to her. Holy hell.

  4. Melanie says:

    Okay! First of all thank you for another season of this!

    Here are my questions:
    1) Should DeMario still get “begging” points yet? He may just be there to clear his name!!!!!! He tells couples counselor Chris Harrison he’s only there to say that he did F up.

    2) I agree that Lucas should get shoving points so I am going to add them for my pool :-)

    3) Should Bryan’s massage or Lucas’ poem count as gifts?

    4) When does Lucas dance? I’m sure he does but I just can’t remember!

    Also, the best part of the night was Rachel saying “So I’m going to need you to get the fuck out.” What a badass I love her.

    • Bach Fantasy says:

      1) Ugh this is the eternal battle! I gave it to him because it’s clear he’s BACK and BEGGING to see her, even if it’s not to beg to stay on the show yet. We might need to make this points category clearer in the future.

      2) Yes! Lucas’ points have been updated. Totally forgot shoving was a category this season.

      3) I waffled on this too! In the end, I went no, because they didn’t really present her with a gift — the poem framed, for example. I think reading from a poem or letter aloud to the Bachelor/ette should be a points category in the future though. It happens almost every week!

      4) He dances at the BarkFest party :) They’re throwing balloons in the air and boogeying with the pups.

      UMMMM Rachel handled DeMario amazingly well. She was calm and collected and just put the kibosh on it so succinctly. Loved her so much in that moment.

      • Jessie says:

        As for #4 – Isn’t Peter the guy at the BarkFest, not Lucas??

      • Melanie says:

        Love all of this! Thank you for responding. The only thing is, Lucas isn’t the one at BarkFest, that’s Peter. Thank goodness, because Whaboom would have terrified the poor puppies. So I can’t find Lucas dancing! Anyone else know when it was?

    • Bach Fantasy says:

      Ahhh dammit — excuse my Tylenol PM Cold & Flu-addled mind. I gave Lucas dancing points based on some of his moves during the touch football game!

  5. Sara says:

    Shipping Copper all the way.

    I believe Eric should get dancing points for his mid-game ‘dance break’ on the basketball court. It’s 53-54 min in on Hulu, and Chris Harrison unleashes this piece of shade to Rachel after his miss: “If you’re gonna dance like that, you better make it.” I think that is confirmation from the ultimate authority that it was considered dancing!

    I would also consider Lucas to have received shoving points – given this exchange (about 17 min in on Hulu), I think they regarded it as more than just a stiff-arm/block:

    “Oh my gosh, you pushed him!” – Rachel
    “First of all, he’s a giant.” – Lucas
    “You got into the moment, were you afraid?” – Rachel
    “Yes” – Lucas
    “You got into the moment, you pushed him! You– you– muffed him!” – Rachel
    “Do you realize who I did that for?” – Lucas

    • Bach Fantasy says:

      HAHAH, Sara, such thoroughly excellent dialogue transcription. Love it. Totally agree on both counts and they are updated now to reflect the new points! Thanks for the catch.

  6. Breeann says:

    Is Milton still there? Did he not have any points this week? I didn’t see his name on the list.

    • Melanie says:

      He left last week in a puddle of tears about how he had such great outfits to wear!

      • Sara says:

        I am VERY interested in learning more about Milton’s outfits. There was that infamous line about how Olivia on Ben’s season spent $40K on clothes – I am very intrigued to hear what that estimate is for fashion-forward guys. A well-tailored/custom suit is not cheap!

        Maybe Milton will be on Paradise and we can learn all about it! (Like we learned all about Ashley I.’s makeup routine)

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