Bach Fantasy

Hello, friends! We’re very sorry for the delay here. The best excuse that we can offer is that we’ve both been in low key sugar comas for the past 2 weeks (if you’re not eating a cookie before you even brush your teeth in the morning, you’re doing December all wrong).

Anyway, we’ll cut to the chase: we have chosen not to continue with BachFantasy for Arie’s season.

Truly, it’s not you, it’s us. We love you guys. You have been loyal and supportive for the past four years and have made this so much fun for us. However, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to run this as our side hustle given other demands on our time. We know many of you manage huge leagues and count on us each season to score, so it wasn’t a decision we made lightly. We hope you understand, and know how grateful we are for all who have played along with us for the past four years.

We plan to leave the site live, so all the points categories will still be accessible. If you liked our scoring system, feel free to use it and score for your leagues individually. We know this is extra work for you (trust us…we know how much work it is…), but do want to keep it available for anyone who is interested.

Again, we can’t thank all of you enough for the past few years. We’ve had a blast running the site and playing along with you each season.

Yours in snark,

Becca and Jorie

Real talk: the Men Tell All episode is a nightmare to score. I’m over here trying to keep track of all the lying accusations, while all I want to do is give 1000 points to Anthony for standing up and letting Lee know exactly what his problem is. Anyway, some notes:

• Points are not given for any footage from earlier in the season (i.e. rehashing Dean’s emotional ride).
• I gave bloopers points to men who were featured in the blooper reel. If you care to watch slow mo replays to figure out precisely who was in the blurry and bumpy golf cart footage, God bless.
• I’m sure I missed some accusations of lying. Please post in the comments if you caught something I did not.
• DeMario was accused of lying, but not by another contestant. No points, suckas.

—————————————————————————————————

• Adam:  5 points
  • Being featured on the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Alex:  5 points
  • Being featured on the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Anthony:  5 points
  • Being featured on the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Blake: 15 points (STAT CORRECTION)
  • Being accused of lying by another contestant (15 points)
• Dean:  70 points
  • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Getting chosen to go on Bachelor in Paradise (25 points)
  • Asking Rachel why she got rid of him/what went wrong (15 points)
  • Being featured on the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• DeMario:  5 points
  • Being featured on the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Eric:  5 points
  • Being featured on the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Iggy: 5 points
  • Being featured on the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Jonathan:  5 points
  • Being featured on the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Josiah:  5 points
  • Being featured on the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Kenny:  35 points
  • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Being featured on the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
• Lee:  55 points
  • Being accused of lying by another contestant (15 points)
  • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
  • Apologizing to Rachel for his behavior on the show (10 points)

Not to be dramatic, but if this season comes down to Eric and Bryan, I’ll set myself on fire.  Eric is fine, I wish him well with his “feelings of emotions” and all, blah blah. Bryan can go back to Miami and climb back into the adult-sized Baby Bjorn he escaped from to come on this show.

Points are a little lopsided among the men this week, since we got a “to be continued…” There were a couple of judgment calls we made. I did give Peter points for giving Rachel a gift (the cork from their date), but did not give them concert points (I’ve been sung to against my will before – it didn’t feel like a concert).  Also, it seems that Rachel may have offered Peter the Fantasy Suite, though we didn’t witness the formal presentation of Chris Harrison’s invitation and key to Bonetown. We’re holding off on giving those points until we see the conclusion of their date next week before making a call.

• Bryan: 60 points (STAT CORRECTION)
  • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelorette  (20 points)
  • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
• Eric: 160 points (STAT CORRECTION)
  • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
  • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
  • Accepting the Fantasy Suite (75 points)
• Peter:  70 points (STAT CORRECTION)
  • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelorette  (20 points)
  • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (5 points)
  • Wildcard points: First guy to make Rachel cry (15 points)

Well tonight’s episode checked off our boxes: Tidy conclusion to a journey of emotional discovery? Check. Statement jewelry? Check. An overbearing parent who kinda maybe wants to date their kid? Check. Doubts about whether 6 weeks is enough to decide to propose to someone you’re dating non-exclusively? Check. ABC lowering the bar again and exploiting a family’s grief and trauma for 15 minutes of content? Big fat mother trucking check.

In the end, we say goodbye to Dean and are left to bear another week watching Bryan suck Rachel’s face. Bleh.

We decided not to give Eric “I love you” points. We heard both sides and decided that because Rachel didn’t feel he said it, it doesn’t count. If you feel differently, feel free to award the points in your league. Bless up.

• Bryan: 130 points
  • Being hugged by the Bachelorette with legs wrapped around him (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Dean: 95 points
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Being hugged by the Bachelorette with legs wrapped around him (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
• Eric: 95 points
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Being hugged by the Bachelorette with legs wrapped around him (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Peter: 95 points
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Being hugged by the Bachelorette with legs wrapped around him (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Ok, so technically this draft is happening slightly past the middle of the season. Blame ABC for that one.

I don’t know about you guys, but my team is hurting this season. The below is an accurate representation of my current team, if that cat were Peter and I were the dragger. We won’t give up, but we’d really like another cat to limp over the finish line with us.

Regardless of whether your team has hemorrhaged players like mine has, you will have an opportunity to shake things up and boost your point-earning potential through the end of the season.

See the instructions below for how it works. Remember that this is totally optional. If you’re the commissioner of your league, you can choose whether or not to have a mid-season draft.

The Rules:

• You can draft exactly one more brochacho to your roster.

– If your team IS fully intact:

• You get a bonus of 50 points
• OR you can swap out one of your existing contestants for another dude

When To Draft:

Hi friends. It wasn’t enough for ABC to require 4 hours of our lives this week. They also had to eff up our mid-season draft.

If your league had their shit together and did the mid-season draft between the Monday and Tuesday episodes, go ahead and pin a rose on your goody two shoes little nose.

JK WE LOVE YOU AND ARE VERY PROUD OF YOUR COMMITMENT. If, you are a mere mortal like us and did NOT get it together, you’ll need an updated scoring sheet. We support you either way.

Attached here is the updated sheet. This will work for those of you who plan to do a mid-season draft before Monday’s episode. Simply copy and paste the contents of your “League Member Teams” and “Contestant Scores” tabs from your existing spreadsheet and everything will update.

We’ll post instructions for the draft this week (spoiler alert: it will be basically the same as last year)!

BachFantasy Scoresheet Rachel Season