Bienvenidos a Miami! Juan Pablo is back home and really shakes things up by swimming in a pool and kissing a blonde girl, though this time it’s Camila and a lot less yucky. After a brief chat with Adult Braces Cousin about how Sharleen may be the “one” (hashtag foreshadowing), Juan Pablo shows up at the ladies’ penthouse to invite Sharleen on a date that starts in ten minutes.
The date starts on a boat.
Sharleen and JP makeout. Sharleen giggles about the chemistry they have because they’re both pretty. Sharleen questions whether she can be with someone with rocks for brains forever and ever. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Snore.
Next up, it’s Nikki’s turn to audition for the role of Stepmom. So, she pulls on her favorite pair of denim underwear and heads to Camila’s dance recital. They watch Camila bailar while dodging same major side eye from Camila’s mom.
Their date continues as JP’s “office” – his words, not mine – the Miami Marlins stadium. What is Juan Pablo’s job? Still TBD. But, apparently this is where he works. He and Nikki have a picnic in the outfield, and Nikki drops the L-bomb to the camera. Yup. She’s in love with Juan Pablo. They’ve spent a total of 5 ½ hours together, and she definitely loves him. The rose on this date goes to Nikki’s boob tape.
Back at the penthouse, Sharleen rounds up the chicas to let them know that she decided to leave the show and is on her way to break the news to Juan Pablo. In one of the more real moments on the show, Sharleen fesses up to not getting the “forever” vibes from their relationship, and JP is very sweet and understanding. They whisper for a while, he demands that she stops crying and look at him, and then she leaves.
To cheer him up after the departure of his frontrunner, Juan Pablo gathers his harem for a beach picnic. They take turns offering up their rawest feelings in an attempt to lock down a hometown date. In the end, Andi gets the rose and Clare’s eyes momentarily turn black. To rub salt in their wounds, Clare, Chelsie, and Renee are forced to board the Reject Plane and fly right over Andi and Juan Pablo making out in the ocean.
Back at the penthouse, tensions rise between Nikki and Clare and the gloves start to come off. Then, they put the gloves back on and have one of the more vanilla fights we’ve seen on this show. The most heated moments happen when they’re arguing over whether Nikki has the right to refer to the room they’re in as “hers.” My sister and I had more interesting fights as tweens over whose turn it was to play the Sims. Long story short: They hate each other and neither of them “owns” the hotel.
At the cocktail party, each lady shows up in her best bandage dress. In my favorite moment from the entire episode, Clare and Nikki share an excruciatingly awkward silence while on the couch alone. Again, like my sister and I as tweens, neither budges and talks first. JP shows up to break the silence and move them along to a rather anti-climactic rose ceremony, since we all know who is going home. I hope there was a consolation note from her family in the bundle the Chelsie brought to the beach with her, because her time is up. She heads home, leaving Andi, Clare, Nikki, and Renee as the final four.
We’re nearing the end, folks. And, to borrow a phrase from our Latin wordsmith himself, it looks like it will be “good.”
Did you pay for it?