Are you guys ready for two episodes in two days? I’m doing a few extra crosswords to make up for all the brain cells I’ll most definitely lose while dedicating four fucking hours of my free time to el-bach-lor this week. And speaking of brain cells, here are the things we learned from The Bachelor last week.
- Some adult cousins opt for braces over Invisalign, and they still go on TV. Not even a mouth full of metal can waver the Galavis confidence.
- Falling in love on TV is not for smart people. Sharleen was on track to be Juan Pablo’s wife, except, oops, she doesn’t love him. I don’t understand the problem, said every other Bachelor contestant ever.
- Superglue is in the business of fashion tape. How else did Nikki’s J.Lo-esque romper stay put on the baseball diamond?
- Clare is not invited to Nikki’s birthday party. And she told her so by leaving an “i hatE claRE” note on the door of the hotel room she doesn’t own.
- The Bachelor singlehandedly keeps Bebe in business. Just because 30-year-old women can wear bandage dresses doesn’t mean they should.
In the words of Clare and Nikki, <crickets>,
P.S. Follow our live tweets tonight and come back for our episode recaps later in the week.