Last Week On The Bachelor, Episode 7

Are you guys ready for two episodes in two days? I’m doing a few extra crosswords to make up for all the brain cells I’ll most definitely lose while dedicating four fucking hours of my free time to el-bach-lor this week. And speaking of brain cells, here are the things we learned from The Bachelor last week.
  1. Some adult cousins opt for braces over Invisalign, and they still go on TV. Not even a mouth full of metal can waver the Galavis confidence.
  2. Falling in love on TV is not for smart people. Sharleen was on track to be Juan Pablo’s wife, except, oops, she doesn’t love him. I don’t understand the problem, said every other Bachelor contestant ever.
  3. Superglue is in the business of fashion tape. How else did Nikki’s J.Lo-esque romper stay put on the baseball diamond?
  4. Clare is not invited to Nikki’s birthday party. And she told her so by leaving an “i hatE claRE” note on the door of the hotel room she doesn’t own.
  5. The Bachelor singlehandedly keeps Bebe in business. Just because 30-year-old women can wear bandage dresses doesn’t mean they should.
In the words of Clare and Nikki, <crickets>,
P.S. Follow our live tweets tonight and come back for our episode recaps later in the week.
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