Tag Archives: funny

May 19 2017
3 Comments
Episode Recaps: Season 13, Points: Season 13

Welcome to “The Bachelorette” Fantasy League, Season 13

Raise your hand if you felt personally victimized by ABC for not releasing the cast bios until FOUR DAYS before “The Bachelorette” started.

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I mean, sweet Moses! We need ample time to carefully research our picks, ABC. We comb through those bios. Check up on contestants’ social media accounts. This isn’t a rush-order job.

Me, researching my picks, this weekend:

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We kick off Season 13 of “The Bachelorette” with extremely high hopes thanks to our intelligent, beautiful Bach, Rachel — the show’s first ever POC Bachelor or Bachelorette, which is insane. Are we very nervous that the show/its contestants will not handle the subject of race delicately? Oh, yeah, you bet.

We put out a call on Twitter for new suggested points categories and we got some great ones. In fact, we chose three of your suggestions, and we’ll file away some of the others for wildcard points to pepper in throughout the season.

If you’ve never played before, or if this is your SEVENTH season playing, read on for the details below. Welcome to the 75th Annual Hunger Games!

HOW OUR BACHELORETTE FANTASY LEAGUE WORKS

1) Gather your “Bachelorette”-loving friends and coworkers, and choose a League Commissioner. The Commissioner is responsible for tallying league members’ points each week and sharing the standings with the league.

2) Choose how your league is going to run your draft (read more on that below) and submit your contestant picks to your league commissioner.

3) Watch “The Bachelorette” every Monday night, beginning May 22 on ABC.

4) Visit this blog every Tuesday to see how each of your contestants scored. The league commissioner should add up the point totals for each team in order to figure out the weekly rankings. You can use our BachFantasy Scoring Template to keep track of your league members’ scores.

THE DRAFT

You have a few options when it comes to drafting your Bachelorette fantasy league team of five contestants. Click here to read more about how to draft your team.

POINTS CATEGORIES

When picking contestants, you’re the team owner. So, go with your gut. The Crazies earn a lot of points (and they’re the very lifeblood of the show’s existence), but you’ll be most rewarded for picking contestants who go the distance.

Points are divided into Phrases, Actions, and Roses. We post a wildcard points category on Twitter every Monday before the episode airs, so be sure to follow us there for the latest info.

There will also be a mid-season draft after Episode 5 in which you’ll be able to add one player to your team if it’s no longer intact. Don’t worry about that for now; there will be more deets later. Onto the points!

We’ve added three (count ’em, THREE) sparkling new points categories this year: Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points); Shoving another contestant (20 points); and Being hugged by the Bachelorette with the leg wraparound (10 points).

We also made an update to an old category. In the past, a contestant only received points for saying the phrase “not here for the right reasons” to the Bachelor/ette. This season, we did away with that last part. If a contestant utters those magical words at any point on-air, he gets points.

Phrases

  • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Mentioning a previous fiancee or wife (10 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
  • Discussing his virginity (15 points)
  • Saying that someone in the house “is not here for the right reasons” (15 points) [UPDATED FOR 2017]
  • Saying “I’m not here to make friends” (15 points)
  • Talking shit to the Bachelorette about another contestant in the house, by name (20 points) [NEW IN 2017]
  • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for/in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
  • Being told “I love you” by theBachelorette (50 points)

Actions

  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Bonus: using the phrase “steal [the Bachelorette] away” during said interruption (5 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Singing or playing an instrument for the Bachelorette (5 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (5 points)
  • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Must be sitting on the ground
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
  • Being hugged by the Bachelorette with legs wrapped around him (10 points) [NEW IN 2017]
  • Attending a concert (10 points)
  • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Being apart of the “team” who wins alone time with the Bachelorette on a group date (15 points)
  • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Shoving another contestant (20 points) [NEW IN 2017]
  • Interrupting a rose ceremony to ask to speak with the Bachelorette alone (20 points)
  • Needing medical attention at any point (20 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Must actually see moisture fall; we’re sticklers on this
  • Having a secret girlfriend at home (25 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out any point (30 points)
    • Only for nudity; having your mouth blurred for profanity doesn’t count
  • Leaving the show early on his own accord (30 points)
  • Drafting the next Bachelor on your team (40 points)
  • Coming back to the show to beg for another chance (50 points)

Roses

  • Getting the First Impression Rose (35 points, only available first night)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Getting the rose on a group date (now worth 35 points)
  • Getting the rose on a two-on-one date (40 points)
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Accepting the Fantasy Suite (75 points)
  • Refusing the Fantasy Suite when the Bachelorette is game (-75 points)
  • Proposing or being proposed to (85 points)
  • Winning the Final Rose (100 points)

Wildcard Points 

Each week, we’ll announce the wildcard category for the next episode on Twitter (so follow us there for up-to-date info). It will change each week, and is only awarded to one man per episode. For example, one wildcard category might be: the first man to break into song this week gets 25 points.

SCORING

We’ll score each episode for you and post each contestant’s scores every Tuesday. Be sure to check back every Tuesday to see how your teams are stacking up against one another within your own league. We’ll also be posting an episode recap for those of you just can’t get enough Bach.

Will you be joining us this season? Let us know your league or individual team name in the comments. We love your puns. 

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Aug 02 2016
15 Comments
Points: Season 12

Season 12, Finale: Points

We made it through the wildernesssss. Somehow we made it throooooough. JoJo chose her man, and now they have a great portmanteau: JoJor. Hope JoJor makes it work and pop out a couple of babies with huge Jimmy Neutron-style coifs and pants so tight they cut off their circulation.

BEST UNDERRATED MOMENT during the finale? When they cut to the live studio audience after she lets Robby go, and everyone is sitting shell-shocked like they’d just received extremely personal, deeply troubling news. We’d kill to be in that audience; you know yo gals would give the producers some MONEY reaction shots.

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Thanks again for another great season! We won’t be scoring “Bachelor in Paradise” but we will be occasionally live-tweeting, so you can follow us there if you’re missing our snark. Rest up in the off-season — take that vacation, schedule that surgery you’ve been putting off. We’ll see you right back here for the next season of “The Bachelor” when you’re rested and ready.

  • Jordan: 335 points
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (hat; note) (5 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Being told “I love you” by the Bachelorette (50 points)
    • Proposing or being proposed to (85 points)
    • Winning the Final Rose (100 points)
  • Robby: 110 points
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family and/or friends (15 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (flowers; photos; note) (5 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
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Jul 12 2016
18 Comments
Points: Season 12

Season 12 Episode 7: Points

First, a caveat: We were a man down tonight, so I tweeted and scored. I think I got everything, but speak up if I missed anything. FYI, guys will get points for making it to hometowns next week, and the guys did not get points for singing on the bus since it was not to JoJo (though it was awesome).

How did your team do going into Hometowns? We did the math for you.

  • Alex: 60 points 
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another country (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)
  • Chase: 45 points 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • James Taylor: 40 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)
  • Jordan: 120 points 
    • Being selected for a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Wildcard points (First to appear shirtless) (20 points)
  • Luke: 55 points 
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one (20 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Robby: 85 points 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Having a body party blurred on camera (30 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Never miss a post! You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Jun 28 2016
27 Comments
Points: Season 12

Season 12, Episode 6: Points

Last night’s episode was a little on the nose (en la nariz), no? Between the love triangle tango and the woman belting out “Evita” on a balcony while Derek bawled in the limo on his way to the airport…the producers weren’t being subtle. That’s okay. We don’t watch “The Bachelorette” for subtlety. We watch for the elaborate picnic spreads, the chopper rides to remote lagoons, the fumbled metaphors comparing rappelling down a building to falling in love. And dammit, the Bach delivers time and time again.

Onto the points.

Robby snagged the wildcard points last name, 15 points for speaking a full sentence in Spanish (when he read the date card that said “Besame, besame, muchacho”).

  • Alex: 50 points 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Chase: 95 points 
    • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on the two-on-one date (40 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
  • Derek: 90 points 
    • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • James Taylor: 70 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jordan: 70 points 
    • Being selected for a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Luke: 60 points (stat correction)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose on the group date (35 points)
  • Robby: 65 points (stat correction)
    • Wildcard points (15 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Wells: 65 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Never miss a post! You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Jun 27 2016
5 Comments
Episode REcaps: Season 12

Season 12, Episode 5: Recap

Episode 5 begins with a jubilant celebration about Chad’s departure, and the guys really turn it up for the producers with this one. They scatter his protein powder like ashes throughout the backwoods of Pittsburgh as Wells delivers a touching eulogy, at one point calling him “the worst person” they’d ever met.
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Their joy is short-lived, though, because Chad is back to settle some beef (and probably eat some beef, amirite?). Daniel, the male blow-up doll they hired as Chad’s sidekick for the season, lets him back in the house and Chad tries to act like it’s not fucking nuts that he’s there.

Eventually, Jordan, who is trying to play it cool but has terror in his eyes, confronts Chad to insult him and then try to shake his hand? Idk, I got bored and stopped paying attention. I prefer Chad when he’s strutting around the house with a suitcase attached to his pants, chomping on a whole sweet potato. Like, can these guys just get the ruler and unzip their pants already? We’re over this. Anyway, after an ultimately anticlimactic final departure, Alex returns from the two-on-one date. The guys celebrate as if Alex had been the one to take out bin Laden and present him with a plate of cupcakes to smash his face into, which must be equivalent to a Purple Heart in the alternate universe that is The Bachelorette.

The mood quickly changes, however, once they remember that with or without Chad, they’re still ten guys who share the same girlfriend. Cue the hatin’.

With this, the guys all up the ante at the cocktail party — James F. reads JoJo a poem about how much he digs her and JoJo is all, “Aww, James. That’s your name right?” Chase ships in some inflatable orbs that they squeeze on top of their formalwear so they could run into each other. Jordan presses her up against a wall for a steamy makeout sesh. All in a day’s work.

In the end, we bid adieu to James F. and Daniel, who insists in his exit interview that he’d still be here if this show was based solely on looks. I think I’m actually going to miss Daniel.

JoJo wraps up the party by announcing that they’re headed to Uruguay. The guys are all pumped, though I think maybe half of them actually know where Uruguay is and the other half just know that it’s not rural Pennsylvania.

With a new location, comes a new enemy. Suddenly, Jordan is regarded as a shady motherfucker.
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Vinny, speaking on camera for the first time this season, presents some pretty damning evidence: Jordan plays football AND THERE WAS A FOOTBALL DATE. Coincidence? Ha, we’re not stupid ABC. This shit’s rigged.

Adding fuel to the fire, Jordan gets the first one-on-one date in Uruguay. They swim with seals, which is not a thing I knew you could do. During “dinner,” JoJo confronts Jordan about rumors she heard from someone she likely met a Conference for Exceptionally Attractive Women (sponsored by Flat Tummy Tea™). Allegedly, Jordan was not a very good boyfriend in the past. Jordan shifts uncomfortably in his seat and weakly insists that that was then and this is now. “Was there cheating?” JoJo asks plainly. “No,” Jordan lies. She’s like, “Ok, cool, if you say so,” and they move on. I’ve said this in the past and I’ll say it again: the best way to identify an asshole is simply to ask the suspected asshole if he sucks. They’ll always own up to it.

Back at whatever hotel is sponsoring this trip, the guys are discussing an issue of In Touch magazine that just happened to end up in their room. Its cover story is about JoJo and her ex-boyfriend Chad, allegedly canoodling off camera during Ben’s season. This other Chad is clearly thirsty for reality show fame. Recall that he sent JoJo a handwritten letter begging for another chance, perfectly timed to arrive right before her hometown date with Ben. The producers confront JoJo with the magazine. She books it to the guys’ suite in tears to address the story. The guys all immediately denounce this Chad and all Chads and pledge their undying support to JoJo.

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Next, JoJo takes the group date crew sandboarding, which is like snowboarding, but on a pile of sand. This is fun for about 15 seconds. Alex decides it’s much more fun to hate someone than to eat sand, so he begins a crusade against Derek. Honestly, it’s boring and annoying and I’m over Alex and his Napoleon complex.

Robby gets the last date of the episode, and he and JoJo stroll through Punta del Este, tasting some local food before finding themselves on a cliff that they decide to jump off. They undress down to their bathing suits, and Robby is wearing Lily Pulitzer for Chubbies (if that collaboration hasn’t happened yet, it’s only a matter of time). They jump and emerge from the water in love.

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At dinner, Robby opens up to JoJo about losing his best friend and how it made him reevaluate his life and choices. He dumped his girlfriend and came on “The Bachelorette,” so it seems like he really learned something. He does tell JoJo that he’s fallen in love with her, which is obviously bonkers, but this is what we’re here for, people. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
We move right into the rose ceremony and say goodbye to Vinny (now who will keep all those pompadours in tip-top shape??), Grant, and Evan. Evan weeps about how he disappointed himself and his children and America and all the other boner doctors in the world. His genuine sadness and lack of self-awareness is both hilarious and sort of endearing.

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Jun 21 2016
36 Comments
Points: Season 12

Season 12, Episode 5: Points

The moral of last night’s episode? NEVER date a Chad. 15 wildcard points went to Jordan, who was the first man to celebrate Chad leaving the house.

The mid-season draft will take place this week, if your league is choosing to participate! Stay tuned for a post on Wednesday (tomorrow) with details.

  • Alex: 50 points 
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Chad: 0 points
  • Chase: 70 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Daniel: 0 points
  • Derek: 90 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Saying “steal her away” during said interrupting (5 points)
    • Getting the rose on the group date (35 points)
  • Evan: 60 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Grant: 35 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • James F.: o points
  • James Taylor: 70 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Note: we did not award instrument points because he wasn’t playing the guitar for the Bachelorette herself or singing a song about her
  • Jordan: 115 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Wildcard points (15 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Being selected for a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Luke: 70 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Robby: 150 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling in love with you” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
    • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Vinny: 35 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wells: 60 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

+++++++++++++++++

Never miss a post! You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Jun 08 2016
39 Comments
Points: Season 12

Season 12, Episode 4: Points

Never have I ever been this upset about a “To Be Continued…” at the end of a “Bachelorette” episode. WHAT DOES CHAD DO OUTSIDE THE HOTEL?! We have to wait two weeks to find out. This season has taken a delicious detour into horror movie territory and I’m HERE FOR IT.

Twenty-five wildcard points last night went to Evan, who was the first man to bleed. Although I’m making this face to the editors

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for using some smoke and mirrors to make it seem like Chad was responsible for said bleeding. Instead, the cause was Intense Synchronized Swimming™.

Onto the points! Some men scored double rose points this week, which we allowed — however, we did not count any other category twice, per our usual rule of once per episode (so Robby and Jordan only got kissing points once).

ALSO WE NEED YOUR EYEBALLS: there was a shot of some of the men with their tootsies in the hot tub in the first five minutes of the episode during the pool party. I don’t have DVR — and my co-founder was at the Beyonce concert so we didn’t catch it! If you know exactly who was in the hot tub at that moment, comment and we’ll update the points accordingly. Thanks!

  • Alex: 120 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week for Episode 3 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a two-on-one date (40 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
  • Ali: 5 points STAT CORRECTION FOR HOT TUB
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Chad: 75 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week for Episode 3 (25 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
  • Chase: 25 points STAT CORRECTION FOR HOT TUB
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Christian: 5 points STAT CORRECTION FOR HOT TUB
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Daniel: 50 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week for Episode 3 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Derek: 75 points STAT CORRECTION FOR HOT TUB
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips for Episode 3 (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week for Episode 3 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Being apart of the “team” who wins alone time with the Bachelorette on a group date (15 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Evan: 70 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Wildcard points: first man to bleed (25 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Being apart of the “team” who wins alone time with the Bachelorette on a group date (15 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
  • Grant: 45 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week for Episode 3 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • James F.: 50 points STAT CORRECTION FOR HOT TUB
    • Getting the rose to stay another week for Episode 3 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • James Taylor: 65 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date for Episode 3 (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Needing medical attention (20 points)
    • Being apart of the “team” who wins alone time with the Bachelorette on a group date (15 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Jordan: 130 points STAT CORRECTION FOR HOT TUB
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips for Episode 3 (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week for Episode 3 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Being apart of the “team” who wins alone time with the Bachelorette on a group date (15 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Luke: 130 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Getting the rose to stay another week for Episode 3 (25 points)
    • Being selected for a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for her to the camera” (20 points)
  • Nick B: 5 points STAT CORRECTION FOR HOT TUB
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Robby: 95 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips for Episode 3 (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week for Episode 3 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Being apart of the “team” who wins alone time with the Bachelorette on a group date (15 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Vinny: 60 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week for Episode 3 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Being apart of the “team” who wins alone time with the Bachelorette on a group date (15 points)
  • Wells: 45 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week for Episode 3 (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Riding on a boat (10 points)

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Jun 07 2016
22 Comments
Points: Season 12

Season 12, Episode 3: Points

Well, last night’s episode gave us some fresh ideas for points categories in future seasons including throwing a punch (inanimate object): 10 points and tattling to Dad, AKA Chris Harrison: 20 points. Tonight’s episode looks like it might inspire categories such as throwing a punch (animate object): 35 points and being punched: 25 points. What a treat this season has already been!  #DontTryThisAtHome

Overall, this was a fairly low-scoring episode, because there was no rose ceremony last night — we’ll be sure to give the dudes their points for any and all rose ceremonies that occur in Tuesday night’s episode.

The wildcard points category last night was 15 smackers to any man who read a date card aloud to the group (we decided to shake it up and award it to each dude who read a card last night in the episode, versus our usual “first” man to do any given action). We’re trying to keep you on your toes. Look alive out there.

We’ll announce the wildcard points category for tonight’s episode on Twitter. Follow us there to see what we’ve cooked up…

  • Alex: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Ali: 25 points
    • Wildcard points: reading a date card aloud to the group (15 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Chad: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Chase: 90 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Wildcard points (15 points)
    • Mentioning his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Christian: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Daniel: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Derek: 0 points
  • Evan: 65 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
  • Grant: 25 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Discussing his virginity (15 points)
  • James F.: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • James Taylor: 90 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Wildcard points: reading a date card aloud to the group (15 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Singing or playing an instrument (the guitar) (5 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jordan: 20 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Luke: 0 points
  • Nick B: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Robby: 0 points
  • Vinny: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wells: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)

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Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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May 31 2016
31 Comments
Points: Season 12

Season 12, Episode 2: Points

If there’s any takeaway from last night’s episode, it’s that I’m not using my luggage to its full potential. Overall, we saw Chad double-down on his Chadness: eating deli meat by the fistful, threatening other men’s teeth, and generally spitting some uncomfortable truths about the actual length of time generally required before you can fall in love with a person. Like all good #Bachelor and #Bachelorette villains, Chad has gone off-script, and we’re HERE for it.

A couple of caveats before we dig into points:

  • On the second group date, we awarded dancing points for gentlemen partaking in the so-called “touchdown dance.”
  • However, we didn’t award any proposal points. Technically, yes, several of the contestants “proposed” but that category is worth 85 points a pop — we intended the category to be reserved for the last remaining contestants. So no points awarded there.
  • During the SECOND time they broke into song about JoJo, it was super hard to catch the entire group. There were two guys wearing hats who were hard to make out. I’m pretty sure one was Robby (I gave him the points), but the other one had his back entirely to the camera and I couldn’t tell who he was. If you have additional evidence that will help us identify this mystery singer, please share and we’ll update accordingly.

The wildcard points category of the night (announced on Twitter) was 20 points to the first man called at the rose ceremony. Alex scooped those up.

  • Alex: 65 points
    • Singing (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Wildcard points: first dude called at the rose ceremony (20 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Ali: 40 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Brandon: 5 points
    • Singing (5 points)
  • Chad: 100 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Telling the Bachelorette that several contestants aren’t here for the right reasons (30 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Using the phrase “steal her away” during the interruption (5 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Chase: 35 points
    • Singing (5 points)
    • Giving a gift to the Bachelorette (fake snow) (5 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Christian: 45 points
    • Singing (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Daniel: 40 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Derek: 60 points
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Evan: 50 points
    • Singing (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Grant: 65 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Winning alone time with the Bachelorette on the group date (15 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • James F.: 40 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • James S.: 5 points
    • Singing (5 points)
  • James Taylor: 65 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Singing or playing an instrument (the guitar) (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the group date rose (35 points)
  • Jordan: 45 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Singing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Luke: 50 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Nick B: 45 points
    • Singing (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Robby: 45 points
    • Singing (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Vinny: 40 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Wells: 70 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Needing medical attention (20 points)
    • Getting the group date rose (35 points)
  • Will: 15 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)

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Never miss a post! You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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May 24 2016
36 Comments
Points: Season 12

Season 12, Episode 1: Points

Welcome to Season 12 of “The Bachelorette” and the sixth season of BachFantasy! This season premiere was major. We had Damn Daniel drunk and wandering around in undies, diving into a pool even though there was clearly no lifeguard on duty. We had a gorgeous specimen named Ali who played the piano and caused millions of panties to spontaneously evaporate off their owners’ bodies around the country. We had a Bachelor superfan and Ken doll lookalike that legitimately made me LOL every time he appeared on screen; he was so nervous to meet all his heroes in the flesh. I thought for sure he was going to ask Chris Harrison to sign his chest. We were treated to a private serenade from the musical stylings of All4One, and just like that I was 13 years old again, swaying in my middle school gym with a spiral-shaped rhinestone tattoo glued on my arm and butterfly clips in my hair.

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We also had the earliest reveal of a season villain in Bachelorette history. Can we talk about those coming attractions? So, Chad is essentially two fists and a beard. I’ve gone ahead and renamed the season.

there_will_be_blood_movie_poster_rolling_roadshow_2010_olly_moss

Onto the points! Take a gander at our points categories again, even if you’ve played with us before, as there have been some additions this year and a few points changes. Have your commissioner add your contestants’ points to your spreadsheet to see how your team is stacking up.

Thirty wildcard points went to Christian, who was the first man to arrive in anything other than a limo (he showed up on a motorcycle). We announce our Wildcard Points category on Twitter every Monday before the show starts. Follow us there for live tweets, plenty o’ gifs, and wildcard points.

Two caveats to this week’s points totals:

  • Some dude presented JoJo with a piece of toast during his limo introduction, but he did not hand it to her. Thus, it was not a gift, merely a prop in his terrible pun.
  • In order for it to count as an interruption, a contestant has to be interrupting someone else’s one-on-one time with JoJo.

Without further ado…

  • Alex: 30 points
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Ali: 30 points
    • Playing an instrument (the piano) (5 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Brandon: 30 points STAT CORRECTION
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Chad: 25 points
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Chase: 25 points
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Christian: 60 points
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Wildcard points: first man to arrive in anything other than a limo (30 points)
    • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Coley: 0 points
  • Daniel: 40 points
    • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Derek: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Evan: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Grant: 30 points
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jake: 0 points
  • James F.: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • James S.: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • James Taylor: 30 points
    • Playing an instrument (the guitar) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jonathan: 35 points
    • Wearing a costume native to another country (5 points)
    • Having a body part blurred out (30 points)
  • Jordan: 60 points
    • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the First Impression Rose (35 points)
  • Luke: 30 points
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (cowboy boots) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Nick B: 30 points
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Nick S.: 20 points
    • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
  • Peter: 5 points
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (a heart pillow) (5 points)
  • Robby: 30 points
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (wine) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Sal: 5 points
    • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (blue balls) (5 points)
  • Vinny: 45 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Wells: 50 points
    • Singing (5 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Giving a gift (the musical group All4One) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Will: 35 points
    • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Got a wildcard points category you’d like to see us feature this season? Leave your suggestions below in the comment.

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Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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