Bach Fantasy

And the award goes to…Vanessa, in a move that surprised no one. Hope you nabbed the trophy in your league. Never let your friends forget you absolutely DESTROYED their asses in BachFantasy. It’s 1,000X more skillful than winning a March Madness bracket or Super Bowl bet. You should list this win on your resume.

As always, thanks for playing along with us this season! Take care in the off season: rest up, go on vacation, adopt a dog, etc. We’ll see you soon.

• Raven: 105 points
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Giving the Bachelor a gift (5 points)
  • Meeting the Bachelor’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelor or “I’m falling for/in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelor (30 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Vanessa: 335 points
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Meeting the Bachelor’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelor or “I’m falling for/in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelor (30 points)
  • Being told “I love you” by the Bachelor (50 points)
  • Proposing or being proposed to (85 points)
  • Winning the Final Rose (100 points)

Points: Episode 10

• Rachel: 130 points 
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling in love with Nick” to the camera and “I’m falling in love with you” to Nick (20 points)
  • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Raven: 35 points 
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Vanessa: 190 points
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Saying “I’m in love with Nick” to the camera (20 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to Nick (30 points)
  • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Points: Women Tell All 

The Tell All episodes usually bring me great joy — or at least great hilarity — but this crop of ladies had me like:

At least for the first hour. Talk about a steaming load of manufactured drama. Emotional intelligence. The Great Nap Debate between Corinne and Taylor. Corinne’s Oprah moment, when she gave everyone in the audience a thimble of cheese pasta (it’s called macaroni and cheese, numb nuts).

Then Kristina entered from stage right and flipped this bitch on its head in her understated, wiser-than-her-years way. Kristina, you’re too pure for this world and entirely too good for this show. PLEASE write a memoir.

(Side note: we’re not giving points to Vanessa or Raven for appearing in the Blooper Reel because they weren’t present at the Women Tell All).

• Alexis: 5 points
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Astrid: 5 points
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Christen: 5 points
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Corinne: 45 points
  • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Being accused of lying by another contestant (15 points)
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5)
• Danielle L.: 45 points
  • Asking Nick why he got rid of her/what went wrong (15 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Danielle M.: 5 points
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Dominique: 5 points
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Elizabeth: 0 points
• Hailey: 5 points
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Jaimi: 5 points
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Jasmine: 10 points STAT CORRECTION
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
• Josephine: 5 points
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Kristina: 45 points
  • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Asking Nick why he got rid of her/what went wrong (15 points)
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Lacey: 15 points
  • Asking Nick why he got rid of her/what went wrong (15 points)
• Liz: 50 points
  • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Rachel: 30 points
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
  • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
• Raven: 5 points STAT CORRECTION
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Sarah: 5 points
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Taylor: 50 points
  • Getting chosen for a one-on-one interview in the Hot Seat with Chris Harrison (25 points)
  • Being accused of lying by another contestant (15 points)
  • Apologizing to another contestant (5 points)
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Vanessa: 5 points
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)
• Whitney
  • Being featured in the Blooper Reel (5 points)

No wildcard points last night for our truncated, one-hour episode. Regular points below!

• Corinne: 45 points  STAT CORRECTION
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Saying “I’m in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
• Rachel: 45 points STAT CORRECTION
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Saying “I’m in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
• Raven: 170 points 
  • Saying “I’m in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelor (30 points)
• Vanessa: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Hometowns!

In Hoxie, Arkansas, Raven and Nick ride ATVs, wrestle in mud and gator piss, and then hike to the top of a grain silo, where her brother fake-arrests them.

In Houston, Rachel’s family was completely adorable…but the date felt pointless because we know she’s the next Bachelorette. Why did ABC release that info so soon?

In Miami, Corinne and Nick created a Clueless montage in Miami’s “most exclusive mall,” before retreating to Corinne’s family’s high-rise apartment, where they ate olives and drank wine out of what can only be described as individual punch bowls.

In Montreal, we met 97 of Vanessa’s closest friends and family (but nary a statement necklace in sight…).

Wildcard points: 15 points to any lady with a family member wearing a statement necklace. Corinne’s dad was rocking a sweet gold chain with a few chest pubes poking out, but a statement necklace it was not.

Onto the points!

• Corinne: 95 points 
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor (10 points)
  • Giving the Bachelor a gift: a $3,000 peacoat (5 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelor (30 points)
• Rachel: 140 points 
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor (10 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Wildcard points: statement necklaces galore, this family is so cute (15 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling in love with Nick” to the camera (20 points)
  • Being chosen as the next Bachelorette (40 points)
• Raven: 115 points 
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor (10 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling in love with him” to her mom (20 points)
  • Talking about her parents’ relationship (5 points)
• Vanessa: 115 points – STAT CORRECTION
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor (10 points)
  • Talking about her parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Saying “I love Nick/falling in love with Nick” to the camera (20 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Giving a gift to Nick: scrapbook from her students/Italian pocket dictionary (5 points)

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Last night was a bit of a sleeper episode. We finally got to the famous “my vagine is platinum” episode and it was a letdown, much like what happened in the nether regions in that suite, METHINKS. I did, however, learn that there’s an island called Bimini. Who knew?

Wildcard points: 20 points to the first lady to wear a swimsuit this week. That went to Vanessa on the first one-on-one date.

• Corinne: 50 points – STAT CORRECTION
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Note: she did not explicitly express fear of swimming with sharks
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling in love with Nick” to the camera (20 points)
• Danielle M.: 100 points – STAT CORRECTION
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for him” to the camera (20 points)
  • Mentioning a previous fiance (10 points)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
• Kristina: 65 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Rachel: 75 points – STAT CORRECTION
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling in love with Nick” to the camera (20 points)
• Raven: 105 points 
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
    • Note: she did not express fear of swimming with sharks
  • Talking about her parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
  • Attending a concert (10 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling in love with Nick” to the camera (20 points)
• Vanessa: 105 points
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Wildcard points: first one to wear a bathing suit (20 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling in love with you”  to the Bachelor (20 points)

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

• Alexis: 0 points
• Corinne: 75 points 
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out (30 points)
• Danielle L.: 110 points STAT CORRECTION
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
  • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelor or “I’m falling for/in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Danielle M.: 45 points 
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Jaimi: 25 points
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Jasmine G: 70 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
• Josephine: 0 points 
• Kristina: 140 points – STAT CORRECTION
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Going on a picnic (5 points)
  • Talking about her parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Attending a concert (10 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Rachel: 40 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelor or “I’m falling for/in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
• Raven: 105 points – STAT CORRECTION
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Getting the group date rose (35 points)
• Taylor: 15 points
  • Wildcard points: getting bleeped for swearing (15 points)
• Vanessa: 70 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Whitney: 90 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
  • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

Just kidding, betches, it’s here!

Are you struggling in your league? Are you watching your rightful victory slip away week by week, causing you to drown your sorrows in copious amounts of wine? Are you being teased mercilessly by your coworkers, friends, and family every Monday evening?

It’s time to right your ship. WELCOME …. to the mid-season draft! 

The Rules:

• You can draft exactly one more lady to your roster.

– If your team IS fully intact:

• You get a bonus of 50 points
• OR you can swap out one of your existing contestants for another lady

When To Draft:

Wildcard points: 20 puntos to the first lady to tattle about the house drama to Nick. Those immediately went to Corinne who also scooped up “not here for the right reasons” — and that was the first time in YEARS we’ve awarded it.

Also: no hot tub points for the quartet of ladies hanging out in their hotel’s jetted tub, without water and with their street clothes on. That’s not hot tubbing, that’s sitting on furniture. While we’re at it:

• Mae the Ghost: 80 points
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Leaving the show early on her own accord (30 points)

Also also: Stay tuned for another post coming tomorrow (Wednesday) detailing the mid-season draft!

• Alexis: 45 points – STAT CORRECTION
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
• Astrid: 0 points
• Corinne: 170 points 
  • Wildcard points: first one to tattle to Nick about house drama (20 points)
  • Telling the Bachelor that someone in the house is “not here for the right reasons” (30 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Getting the rose on a two-on-one date (40 points)
• Danielle L.: 30 points – STAT CORRECTION
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
• Danielle M.: 90 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose on the group date (35 points)
• Jaimi: 35 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Jasmine G: 45 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
• Josephine: 35 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Kristina: 10 points 
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Rachel: 110 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Attending a concert (10 points)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Talking about her parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Raven: 40 points 
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for/in love with you” to the Bachelor or “I’m falling for/in love with him” to the camera (20 points)
• Sarah: 25 points 
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Taylor: 130 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a two-on-one date (30 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Coming back to the show to beg for another chance (50 points)
• Vanessa: 45 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
• Whitney: 45 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

The contestants traveled to exotic Waukesha, Wisconsin for the next set of dates, which involved shoveling cow dung, little girls booting soccer balls at Nick’s face, slick roller rink moves that would’ve captivated 8-year-old me, and a completely staged interaction between Nick and an ex while strolling Main Street USA.

Also, apparently, rose ceremonies now occur at the top of every hour. Can we call it a cliffhanger if it happens every. single. week?

Wildcard points: 10 big boys to any lady to read a date card aloud. Those went to the sisters Danielle.

Get yer points below.

• Alexis: 35 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Astrid: 35 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Brittany: 25 points 
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Christen: 0 points
• Corinne: 35 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Danielle L.: 130 points (STAT CORRECTION) 
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Meeting the Bachelor’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Talking about her parent’s relationship (5 points)
  • Getting the rose on a one-on-one date to stay another week (25 points)
  • Attending a concert (10 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out (30 points)
  • Wildcard points: reading a date card aloud (10 points)
    • Note: on her one-on-one date, she said: “I can see myself falling in love with him,” which doesn’t qualify for our points category “I am falling in love with him.”
    • Also, that wasn’t a picnic. There were no snacks or bevvies.
    • Don’t you dare clap back at me in the comments about these two points.
• Danielle M.: 50 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Wildcard points: reading a date card aloud (10 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
• Jaimi: 35 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Jasmine G: 35 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Josephine: 35 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Kristina: 80 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose on a group date (35 points)
• Rachel: 20 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
• Raven: 120 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Meeting the Bachelor’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Talking about her parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Getting the rose on a one-on-one date to stay another week (25 points)
  • Saying to the camera “I’m falling in love with him” (20 points)
• Sarah: 35 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Taylor: 55 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Interrupting someone else’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
• Vanessa: 25 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Giving Nick a gift: homemade book from her students (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
• Whitney: 35 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking wine and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

Hi.

We need to talk about stat corrections.

Any fantasy league worth its salt — from Yahoo Fantasy Football to ESPN Fantasy Hockey — issues stat corrections, sometimes several days after the games have been played. Likewise, we also issue stat corrections up to 24 hours after “The Bachelor” has aired.

When we first started this blog, we had a mere handful of points categories that contestants could earn. Scoring was a breeze. We were young. We were so innocent. If stat corrections even existed, they were in their most primitive form — tiny stat correction amoebas.

Each season, we’ve added more and more categories, to your delight and ours. Frankly, I don’t want to live in a world where “wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country” isn’t worth five misappropriating points. We enjoy adding new categories each season, even though it makes our jobs infinitely harder when we score. Now, I’m on the lookout for 41 potential points categories to be earned by 20+ contestants every single episode.

When we post the points each Tuesday morning, we have always welcomed comments from y’all suggesting what we might have missed. We also welcome comments from our most enthusiastic fantasy league players, who love to lobby for a points category. We reserve the right to shoot you down, but still, we welcome it. (Giving Vanessa a barf bag doesn’t qualify as “needing medical attention.” It’s the equivalent of handing toilet paper under a bathroom stall to someone with diarrhea. But I digress.)

Actual footage of us responding to you lobbying for more points:

If you’re bummed/concerned/confused about stat corrections, we want to offer up a really simple solution: check the site on Tuesday night, once the dust has settled and the points have been updated accordingly. Or even Wednesday morning. Or check first thing Tuesday morning, and then update your spreadsheet Tuesday night. There are endless possibilities.

We thank you for playing along with us and would like to whisper a gentle reminder that we do not make any money off of this — it’s free and just for fun.

Now go forth and conquer.