Bach Fantasy

Welcome to Season 12 of “The Bachelorette” and the sixth season of BachFantasy! This season premiere was major. We had Damn Daniel drunk and wandering around in undies, diving into a pool even though there was clearly no lifeguard on duty. We had a gorgeous specimen named Ali who played the piano and caused millions of panties to spontaneously evaporate off their owners’ bodies around the country. We had a Bachelor superfan and Ken doll lookalike that legitimately made me LOL every time he appeared on screen; he was so nervous to meet all his heroes in the flesh. I thought for sure he was going to ask Chris Harrison to sign his chest. We were treated to a private serenade from the musical stylings of All4One, and just like that I was 13 years old again, swaying in my middle school gym with a spiral-shaped rhinestone tattoo glued on my arm and butterfly clips in my hair.

We also had the earliest reveal of a season villain in Bachelorette history. Can we talk about those coming attractions? So, Chad is essentially two fists and a beard. I’ve gone ahead and renamed the season.

Onto the points! Take a gander at our points categories again, even if you’ve played with us before, as there have been some additions this year and a few points changes. Have your commissioner add your contestants’ points to your spreadsheet to see how your team is stacking up.

Thirty wildcard points went to Christian, who was the first man to arrive in anything other than a limo (he showed up on a motorcycle). We announce our Wildcard Points category on Twitter every Monday before the show starts. Follow us there for live tweets, plenty o’ gifs, and wildcard points.

Two caveats to this week’s points totals:

• Some dude presented JoJo with a piece of toast during his limo introduction, but he did not hand it to her. Thus, it was not a gift, merely a prop in his terrible pun.
• In order for it to count as an interruption, a contestant has to be interrupting someone else’s one-on-one time with JoJo.

Without further ado…

• Alex: 30 points
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Ali: 30 points
  • Playing an instrument (the piano) (5 points)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Brandon: 30 points STAT CORRECTION
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Chad: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Chase: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Christian: 60 points
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Wildcard points: first man to arrive in anything other than a limo (30 points)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Coley: 0 points
• Daniel: 40 points
  • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Derek: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Evan: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Grant: 30 points
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Jake: 0 points
• James F.: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• James S.: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• James Taylor: 30 points
  • Playing an instrument (the guitar) (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Jonathan: 35 points
  • Wearing a costume native to another country (5 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out (30 points)
• Jordan: 60 points
  • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the First Impression Rose (35 points)
• Luke: 30 points
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (cowboy boots) (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Nick B: 30 points
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Nick S.: 20 points
  • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
• Peter: 5 points
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (a heart pillow) (5 points)
• Robby: 30 points
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (wine) (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Sal: 5 points
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (blue balls) (5 points)
• Vinny: 45 points
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Wells: 50 points
  • Singing (5 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Attending a concert (10 points)
  • Giving a gift (the musical group All4One) (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Will: 35 points
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Got a wildcard points category you’d like to see us feature this season? Leave your suggestions below in the comment.

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