Last Week on The Bachelor, Episode 6

Five Things We Learned from The Bachelor, Episode 6

1) Juan Pablo wears harem sweatpants. As evidenced by him loaning his loungewear to Clare. Sometimes before I fall asleep at night, I lie in bed and think to myself, Who really killed JFK? and What happens after I die? and Who is buying and wearing harem sweatpants? Finally, an answer to one of those questions.

2) Peter Jackson sponsors “The Bachelor.” Each year, the show does some sort of extended movie product placement—a few seasons ago it was Brave, then it was The Muppets, and last year’s was The Lone Ranger. This was by far the most odd choice—is there much overlap between fans of The Lord of the Rings and people who watch “The Bachelor” every Monday night?

3) The best dates always put you at heightened risk for a spinal cord injury. See ZORBing, rappelling, bungee-jumping, et al.  

4) Never use the Sob Story Card as a means to stay on the show. Play the Single Mother Card, heck play the Virgin Card if you must, but never, ever reveal your most heartbreaking story for the first time at the rose ceremony when you might be on the chopping block.

5) Chris Harrison forgot to update his passport. Seriously, where is that fucker? Detained in customs?

This show is nothing if not educational,

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