What up, playas?
Real talk, so gather around mummy: a lot goes down on The Bachelor every week. There is really just too much crazy to capture in a recap of reasonable length while still remaining gainfully employed at our 9 to 5s. So, this week we’re delivering your recap in list form.
The Best Five Moments That Earned Points
- Ashley I., Mackenzie, and Megan interrupting Jillian and Chris’s one-on-one time in the hot tub. They actually argued about spending time with Chris while sitting three feet away from him. “But I don’t want just one minute with him, that would SUCK!” – real words Mackenzie spat at Ashley I. within earshot of Chris.
- Ashley I. kissing Chris on the lips…and almost pushing him off the roof in the process.
- The censor on Jillian’s undercarriage.
- Ashley I. sobbing because she just realized the show she’s on is “The Bachelor” and there are literally a dozen other ladies after her man.
- Jade—in a nude bikini and white stilettos—making out with Chris on his own bed. Who does she think she is, Cher Horowitz?
The Best Five Things That Didn’t Earn Points
- Jillian stonewalling the trio of desperados when they interrupted her one-on-one time.
- Grown-ass women chugging warm, unpasteurized goat milk and committing animal rights violations because they thought it was the best way to get a boy to like them.
- Chris and Whitney deciding to “spontaneously” crash a wedding…but going home to put on more appropriate outfits first.
- Jimmy Kimmel calling the contestants “sister wives.”
- When Mackenzie told Chris she was going to be blunt with him—and for just a second, she looked like she might devour his soul.