What up, playas?
Real talk, so gather around mummy: a lot goes down on The Bachelor every week. There is really just too much crazy to capture in a recap of reasonable length while still remaining gainfully employed at our 9 to 5s. So, this week we’re delivering your recap in list form.
The Best Five Moments That Earned Points
- Ashley I., Mackenzie, and Megan interrupting Jillian and Chris’s one-on-one time in the hot tub. They actually argued about spending time with Chris while sitting three feet away from him. “But I don’t want just one minute with him, that would SUCK!” – real words Mackenzie spat at Ashley I. within earshot of Chris.
- Ashley I. kissing Chris on the lips…and almost pushing him off the roof in the process.
- The censor on Jillian’s undercarriage.
- Ashley I. sobbing because she just realized the show she’s on is “The Bachelor” and there are literally a dozen other ladies after her man.
- Jade—in a nude bikini and white stilettos—making out with Chris on his own bed. Who does she think she is, Cher Horowitz?
The Best Five Things That Didn’t Earn Points
- Jillian stonewalling the trio of desperados when they interrupted her one-on-one time.
- Grown-ass women chugging warm, unpasteurized goat milk and committing animal rights violations because they thought it was the best way to get a boy to like them.
- Chris and Whitney deciding to “spontaneously” crash a wedding…but going home to put on more appropriate outfits first.
- Jimmy Kimmel calling the contestants “sister wives.”
- When Mackenzie told Chris she was going to be blunt with him—and for just a second, she looked like she might devour his soul.
What is this week’s wildcard category?
40 points to the first woman who Chris says he could see as his future wife or see himself marrying one day. (Spoiler alert: it was Jade.)
Wat is this week’s wildcard category??
40 points to the first woman who Chris says he could see as his future wife or see himself marrying one day!