Bach Fantasy

Well, folks, we made it to the end of the season for Bach Fantasy, and what a doozy it was. JP started out so promising but he fizzled early and hard. Anyone else cheer at the TV when Clare said, “I would never want my kids to have someone like you as a father”?  We don’t fault him for not proposing at the end if he wasn’t feeling it, but like Sean’s wife Catherine said in the After the Final Rose ceremony: Don’t bite the hand that fed you, Juannie P.  And quit sassin’ Chris Harrison. A little class, humility, and tact go a long way. This Bachelor was sorely lacking in all three categories. We’re not sorry to see JP go.

Onto greener pastures! Go ahead and give yourself 40 points if you drafted Andi this season because she is the next Bachelorette!

Stay tuned for our recap of the finale and a bonus post asking you to help us brainstorm new categories for Andi’s season, premiering in May. Thank you so much for following along with us this season and being patient with our technical errors. If you enjoyed this league, please tell your friends and family! We have even bigger things in store for Andi’s season.

– J, K, and B

• Andi: 40 points
  • Becoming the next Bachelorette (40 points)
• Clare: 80 points (way to go out with a bang, girl)
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5 points)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for you” to Juan Pablo or saying “I’m falling him to the camera” (20 points)
  • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Nikki: 205 points
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for you” to Juan Pablo or saying “I’m falling him to the camera” (20 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to Juan (30 points)
    • Note: we gave her points for using the exact phrase in her letter
  • Writing Juan a note/making him a collage (20 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Winning the Final Rose (100 points)

Who won your league? Let us know in the comments!

So sorry for the long delay. Two “Bachelor” episodes in a row is one too many for us to handle! We’ll be back to our regular posting schedule next week—we won’t be scoring the “Women Tell All” episode tonight because Clare and Nikki aren’t on it. So we’ll see you back here next Monday. Enjoy this bye week; it’s good to be well-rested heading into the finale.

– J, K, and B

• Andi: 125 points
  • Playing soccer (5 points)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10 points)
  • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
  • Saying the word “journey” (5 points)
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Clare: 140 points
  • Talking about your parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling in love with him” to the camera/Juan Pablo (2o points)
  • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Nikki: 165 points
  • Saying “I love you” to Juan Pablo (30 points)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling you” to Juan Pablo (20 points)
  • Saying the word “journey” (5 points)
  • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

First and foremost, 5 points go to Clare’s mom for hablando español. Second, according to the TV guide, tonight is the finale! What the what, ABC? Thanks for the warning. At least we only have about 12 more hours to wait and see how this “journey” comes to end. I’m putting my money on, “in a river of mascara filled with hysterical tears both happy and miserable.”

Andi: 50 points

• Talking about your parents’ relationship (5 points)
• Saying “I’m falling for you/him,” to Juan or the camera (20 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Clare: 75 points

• Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
• Making out with Juan Pablo (10 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)
• Talking about your parents’ relationship (5 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Nikki: 35 points

• Making out with Juan Pablo (10 points)
• Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

Renee: 65 points (Run home to Ben!)

• Talking about your kid (5 points)
• Making out with Juan Pablo (10 points)
• Saying “I’m falling for you/him,” to Juan or the camera (20 points)
• Crying on camera (25 points)

Peace, love, and bull ride competitions,

B, J, K

P.S. Have we mentioned that we (usually) live tweet the episodes and (always) post recaps here every week? Oh, we have. Okay.

Too bad we don’t have a category for macking in the ocean, right? That’s Juan Pablo’s signature move this season. Where are the choppers and the hot tubs?! Not too much went down last night: Chris Harrison is back on scene and the women have divided themselves into two separate alliances following our first real Dramz of the season. Still, it’s the calm before the Hometown Storm. Batten down the hatches, y’all.

Here’s how the points went down this week:

• Andi: 95 points
  • Dancing at a concert (5)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10)
  • Getting the rose on the group date (30)
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50)
  • P.S. I did NOT give her points for crocodile tears on the beach (I saw no actual moisture leave her eyes and I paused and rewound several times.) Of course, if you disagree, add 25 points
• Chelsie: 25 points (au revoir)
  • Crying on camera (25)
• Clare: 90 points
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50)
• Nikki: 105 points
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10)
  • Saying “I’m falling for him” to the camera (20)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50)
• Renee: 75 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50)
• Sharleen: 35 points (so long, farewell)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10)
  • Crying on camera (25)

If you think we made a mistake with any of the points, please comment below. You might’ve caught something we didn’t. 

Follow our live tweets on Twitter @bachfantasy, and don’t miss our episode recaps.

Another week, another kissing rule. Juan Pablo can kiss as many ladies as he can get his lips on, as long as it is not 4 am. So, JP kept himself busy tonguing his favorite ladies all over New Zealand. He came up for air long enough to dump Cassandra on her birthday, but not long enough to learn any new adjectives.

How did your team do this week? Check out points from episode six below:

• Andi: 35 points
  • Making out with Juan Pablo
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
• Cassandra: 30 points (happy birthday?) 
  • Talking about your kid
  • Crying on camera
• Chelsie: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
• Clare: 35 points
  • Making out with Juan Pablo
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
• Kat: 25 points (so long, sister)
  • Crying on camera
• Nikki: 55 points
  • Making out with Juan Pablo
  • Saying “I’m falling for him” to the camera
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
• Renee: 65 points
  • Talking about your kid
  • Crying on camera
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
  • Making out with Juan Pablo
• Sharleen: 65 points
  • Making out with Juan Pablo
  • Getting the rose on a group date
  • Crying on camera

If you think we made a mistake with any of the points, please comment below. You might’ve caught something we didn’t. 

Follow our live tweets on Twitter @bachfantasy, and don’t miss our episode recaps.

What a hot, sweaty, teary mess of an episode. Juan Pablo and Renee got sweaty in the least sexy way possible. Andi turned her frown upside down and then back down again. And, forgetting what reality TV show she’s on, Nikki dressed for Survivor, glamour edition. Before we get to points, I have a bone to pick with Juan Pablo: Chico pissed me off last night with the dichotomy of gating kisses from Renee on her one-on-Juan date and then partaking in two moonlit, watery fondles with Clare, while back at the ranch the other gals entertained themselves with the umbrellas in their drinks. But, in typical form, he owned up to his actions eloquently and handled the situation with grace. Damn him. Here’s how the ladies fared in the points department.

• Alli: 25 points (Adios)
  • Crying on camera
• Andi: 40 points
  • Making out with Juan Pablo
  • Attempting to speak Spanish
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
• Cassandra: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
• Chelsie: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
• Clare: 65 points
  • Making out with Juan Pablo
  • Getting the rose on a group date
  • Crying on camera
• Danielle: zilch (See ya)
• Kat: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
• Kelly: nada (Bye) 
• Nikki: 65 points
  • Making out with Juan Pablo
  • Saying “I’m falling for him” to the camera
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
• Renee: 40 points
  • Talking about your kid
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
  • Making out with Juan Pablo
• Sharleen: 65 points
  • Attempting to speak Spanish
  • Making out with Juan Pablo
  • Getting the rose to stay another week
  • Crying on camera

If you think we made a mistake with any of the points, please comment below. You might’ve caught something we didn’t. 

Follow our live tweets on Twitter @bachfantasy, and don’t miss our episode recaps.

First, a word about crocodile tears, if I may. We’re not giving points for ’em. Three girls wiped at their dry eyes last night (Renee, Nikki, Clare) but we saw no actual moisture. Gonna have to do better than that, ladies. (Of course, if you disagree, feel free to give those contestants an extra 25 points a piece).

Here’s how the rest of the points broke down last night.

• Alli: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Andi: 30 points
  • Getting the rose on a group date (30)
• Cassandra: 30 points
  • Dancing at a concert (5)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Chelsie: 30 points
  • Dancing at a concert (5)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Clare: 35 points
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Danielle: 30 points
  • Dancing at a concert (5)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Elise: 30 points (happy trails to you)
  • Dancing at a concert (5)
  • Crying on camera (25)
• Kat: 60 points
  • Dancing at a concert (5)
  • Talking about your parents’ relationship (5)
  • Crying on camera (25)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Kelly: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Lauren S.: 30 points (we bid you adieu)
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Crying on camera (25)
• Nikki: 50 points
  • Dancing at a concert (5)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10)
  • Getting the rose on a group date (30)
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-Juan time (5)
• Renee: 30 points
  • Talking about your kid (5)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Sharleen: 40 points
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)

If you think we made a mistake with any of the points, please comment below. You might’ve caught something we didn’t. 

P.S. Did you know we’re on Twitter? We live-tweet each episode, once on the east coast and once on the west coast. Also, you can sign up to have these posts delivered to your inbox by entering your email address at the bottom of the page.

We’ve added 5 points to Chelsie’s tally to include her attempts at speaking Spanish during last night’s credits. We don’t count points for “Coming up on The Bachelor” scenes, but we decided the credits should count. 

Real talk: last night’s episode was kind of boring. Ten girls vying for the affection and eternal love of one man played a contact sport, and not a single one needed medical attention? That’s garbage, ABC. I expect more from the producers of The Bachelor. While we missed a major opportunity for points on that front, we did have some crying, soccer playing, and making out.

• Alli: 30 points
  • Playing soccer (5)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Andi: 40 points
  • Playing soccer (5)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Cassandra: 40 points
  • Talking about your kid (5)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Chelsie: 70 points
  • Crying on camera (25)
  • Dancing at a concert (5)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
• Christy: 25 points (WHO?!)
  • Crying on camera (25)
• Clare: 50 points
  • Crying on camera (25)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Danielle: 30 points
  • Playing soccer (5)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Elise: 35 points
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Kat: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Kelly: 30 points
  • Playing soccer (5)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Lauren S.: 30 points
  • Playing soccer (5)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Lucy: 30 points (Pack your bags)
  • Playing soccer (5)
  • Crying on camera (25)
• Nikki: 35 points
  • Playing soccer (5)
  • Getting the rose on a group date (30)
• Renee: 30 points
  • Playing soccer (5)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)
• Sharleen: 70 points
  • Playing soccer (5)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10)
  • Crying on camera (25)
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25)

If you think we made a mistake with any of the points, please comment below. You might’ve caught something we didn’t. 

Were you surprised that Lucy went home? Were you more surprised that there was a girl on the show named Christy that you’d never seen before? Tell us in the comments!

Holy blurred body parts, you guys. Last night’s episode was for point earners and dogs doing jobs. There were “I have a kid” confessions, one of the most dramatic bouts of drunken self-humiliation we’ve seen on this show ever, and far, far too many women wearing jean shorts on dates.

High fives for those of you who drafted Clare, our top point earner this week and the first one to say that she could be falling for Juan Pablo. Here’s how the rest of the gals shaped up.

• Alli: 30 points
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Amy L: 0 points (Bye, bye, bye.)
• Andi: 65 points
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Hot tubbing (5)
  • Having a body part blurred out (30)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Cassandra: 55 points
  • Talking about your kid (5)
  • Crying on camera (25)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Chantel: 25 points (Everybody hurts.)
  • Crying on camera (25)
• Chelsie: 35 points
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-Juan time (5)
  • Hot tubbing (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Christy: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Clare: 80 points
  • Talking about your parents’ relationship (5)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10)
  • Saying “I’m falling for you” to Juan or “I’m falling for him” to the camera (20)
  • Dancing at a concert (5)
  • Hot tubbing (5)
  • Making out with Juan Pablo (10)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Danielle: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Elise: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Kat: 30 points
  • Dancing at a concert (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Kelly:  30 points
  • Getting the rose on a group date (30)
• Lauren S: 30 points
  • Hot tubbing (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Lucy: 65 points
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-Juan time (5)
  • Hot tubbing (5)
  • Having a body part blurred out (30)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Nikki: 35 points
  • Talking about your parents’ relationship (5)
  • Hot tubbing (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Renee: 30 points
  • Talking about your kid (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Sharleen; 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Victoria: 50 points (Hit the road, Vic.)
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Hot tubbing (5)
  • Appearing visibly drunk (15)
  • Crying on camera (25)

In the words of our favorite Bachelor ever, “I’m having a very, very much good time with you.” The feeling’s mutual, Juannie.

Here’s to drunk girls everywhere who just wanna be step-moms already.

K

If you think we made a mistake with any of the points, please comment below. You might’ve caught something we didn’t. 

Which scene from last night’s episode was hardest for you to watch? Who do you think will be the last two standing? 

We’ve reposted week 1 points since technical difficulties kept us from getting your comments on our earlier post. Comment your corazones out!

How’d your draft go? Last night’s season premiere was quite a doozy. We had a lot of (mostly futile attempts at) Spanish-speaking, a few crocodile tears, and even a soccer pun—way to make unprotected sex resulting in pregnancy sound flirty, Renee.

Ranked in order from top scorers to lowest, here’s how JP’s gals did last night. If you’re the league commissioner, go ahead and add up the points of each girls’ draft picks in your individual leagues, and figure out who just earned bragging rights until next Monday.

– J

• Alexis: 5 points  (we hardly knew ye)
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
• Alli: 30 points
  • Playing soccer (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Amy J: 5 points (TTYL)
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
• Amy L: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Andi: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Ashley: 0 points (and none for Gretchen Weiners)
• Cassandra: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Chantel: 30 points
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Chelsie: 35 points
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Playing soccer (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Christine: 0 points (bounce baby out that door)
• Christy: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Clare: 40 points
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Danielle: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Elise: 35 points
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Kat: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Kelly: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Kylie: 0 points (hasta la vista, Kylie)
• Lacy: 0 points (beat it, beat it)
• Lauren H: 25 points (she gone)
  • Crying on camera (25)
• Lauren S: 30 points
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Lucy: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Maggie: 0 points (adios)
• Nikki: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Renee: 35 points
  • Making a soccer pun (5)
  • Talking about your kid (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)
• Sharleen: 35 points
  • Getting the First Impression Rose (35)
• Valerie: 0 points (later days)
• Victoria: 30 points
  • Attempting to speak Spanish (5)
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25)

So, how’s your team shaping up? Anyone pretty confident they drafted THE ONE? Stay tuned for an episode recap, either later today or first thing tomorrow.

If you think we made a mistake with any of the points, please comment below. You might’ve caught something we didn’t.