• Nick V.: 145 points
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family (15 points)
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (5 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Wildcard points: Being the first guy to ask for Kaitlyn’s dad for his blessing (50 points)
• Shawn B.: 160 points
  • Meeting the Bachelorette’s family (15 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (5 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
  • Winning the Final Rose (100 points)

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Highlights from Episode 8:

1. Shawn’s tomato face when Kaitlyn dropped the sex bomb on him. Shawn felt like the belle of the ball when Kaitlyn kicked everyone else off their group date and awarded him with some one-on-one time. He had no idea that he was about to have the wind knocked out of his sails in a big way, courtesy of Nick’s wiener.
2. Shawn referring to Nick as “the other guy.” Grow up. He’s not Voldemort and jealousy ain’t cute.
3. Ben H. being a motherfucking dreamboat. On their one-on-one date, Ben admits that he fears that he isn’t lovable. That is crazy talk, because I’m pretty sure I love him. Also, I wanna get familiar with his bathing suit parts, if you catch my drift.
4. Joe’s silent tantrum after Kaitlyn broke his little cowboy heart. I have to assume that there was more to their relationship than what we saw on camera, because by my estimation they spent a total of 6 1/2 minutes together and he claimed he was IN LOVE with her. Not falling. IN LOVE. We didn’t even get a limo exit interview…
5. The return of Nick’s hairless chest. After Kaitlyn and Nick took a trip to Pound Town, we were treated to some morning after footage of them eating breakfast meats and pawing at each other.

What was your favorite moment from this week’s episode? Do you think Joe is still sulking somewhere in Ireland? What type of murder weapon do you think Shawn brought to Nick’s room? Sound off in the comments!

In other news, Shawn needs a yoga class or a Xanax (or both). Nick…whatever. I don’t even care. Here’s where we landed after episode 8:

• Ben H.: 85 points (stat correction)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)
• Jared: 45 points (stat correction)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)
• Joe: 50 points (stat correction)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (3o points)
    • Editor’s note: I had to rewind 4 times to hear him actually say that. Speak clearly, boy.
• Nick V.: 150 points (stat correction)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Editor’s note: Nick said “mind if I grab this lovely lady?,” not “steal her away.” No additional points.
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Accepting the Fantasy Suite invitation (75 points)
• Shawn B.: 65 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette or “I’m falling for her” to the camera (20 points)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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Welp, this season we’ve got rose ceremonies at the beginning of every episode and Fantasy Suites happening BEFORE hometown dates.

I never realized how much Chris Harrison resembles Plutarch of The Hunger Games, changing the rules in the Hunger Games arena when he knows Katnissaitlyn has outsmarted him.

You take some unauthorized off-camera time without asking? Oh, okay, we’re gonna GIVE YOU unauthorized camera time. Say goodbye to three dudes this week and march your ass into that Fantasy Suite, toots. It’s like when your mom catches you smoking a cigarette and makes you finish the whole pack in front of her.

Chris Harrison is your mom. Chris Harrison is Plutarch Heavensbee. This is Chris Harrison’s world, and we’re just living in it. Don’t you ever forget it.

Wildcard points would’ve gone to the first person who expressed a desire to go home, but alas, none did.

Also, you guys aren’t going to believe this but tornadoes in the Chicagoland area interrupted the Bachelorette AGAIN, albeit briefly. I think for less than five minutes total, but I still might’ve missed something, so please let me know if you think I did.

• Ben H.: 15 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
• Ben Z.: 60 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
• Chris: 45 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (a flower) (5 points)
• Ian: 30 points
  • Leaving the show on his own accord (30 points)
• Jared: 85 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
  • Getting the rose on the group date (30 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
• JJ: 25 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Joe: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Joshua: 25 points
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Justin: 0 points 
• Nick V.: 110 points (stat correction)
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Wildcard points: doing it with the Bachelorette (50 points)
• Shawn B.: 25 points (stat correction)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
• Tanner: 40 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Singing (5 points)

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No one received the wildcard points last night; they would’ve gone to the first person who said they needed one-on-one time before the rose ceremony, but there was only one strange, faux-ceremony on a baseball diamond last night so we were screwed. We’ll make next week’s points worth some weight to make up for it.

Onto the points!

• Ben H.: 85 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Ben Z.: 40 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
• Chris: 25 points 
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
    • Editor’s note: This was tricky but there was one shot of her kissing a man in a maroon jacket that matched what Chris was wearing last night.
• Corey: 0 points 
• Ian: 50 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
• Jared: 55 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling in love with you” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
• JJ: 45 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
• Joe: 55 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
• Jonathan: 5 points (stat correction)
  • Mentioning his son (5 points)
• Joshua: 70 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
• Justin: 25 points 
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
• Nick V.: 115 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
  • Singing (5 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelorette (30 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose on the group date (30 points)
• Ryan B.: 0 points
• Shawn B.: 115 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Going on a picnic (5 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Tanner: 40 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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• Ben H.: 75 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
• Ben Z.: 70 points
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Chris: 80 points (stat correction)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
• Clint: 60 points (stat correction)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
• Corey: 25 points
  • Getting a rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Cory: 0 points
• Daniel: 0 points
• Ian: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Jared: 105 points (stat correction)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Talking about his parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for her” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
  • Teling the Bachelorette that someone in the house “isn’t here for the right reasons” (30 points)
• JJ: 55 points (stat correction)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
• Joe: 70 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
  • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
• Jonathan: 35 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Joshua: 60 points (stat correction)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wildcard points: first person to talk smack on JJ (25 points)
• Justin: 35 points (stat correction)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette (10 points)
• Ryan B.: 35 points (stat correction)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected go to on a group date (10 points)
• Shawn B.: 130 points (stat correction)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
  • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelorette (20 points)
• Tanner: 35 points 
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Tony: 105 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out at any point (30 points)
  • Wearing a costume/clothing native to another country (5 points)
  • Leaving the show on his own accord (30 points)
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift (that puny dandelion) (5 points)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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1. When we briefly glimpsed what it’d be like to live in ancient Rome and attend gladiator games (if the gladiators wore pastels, loafers, and rope-like statement necklaces).
2. The underwater photo shoot. Stop trying to make underwater photo shoots happen. They’re not going to happen. 
3. The pure existence of Amy Schumer.
4. When Amy Schumer had JJ pegged within three minutes of meeting him: “JJ is a great guy. He just lacks charisma, humility, and a sense of humor.” Can she be on all the shows? Let’s overthrow Chris Harrison.
5. The men performed “stand-up comedy.” That’s really all you need to know.They gave it the ol’ college try, though Tony took a detour through the universe and used his five minutes to wax poetic about the meaning of comedy in the larger context of his life. Classic knee-slapper material.
6. The prank the boys played on Justin, sending him out to the driveway to check for the mysterious “knocking” noise.Well played, gentlemen. More pranks.
7. When JJ revealed himself as an early villain by being the first man at the rose ceremony to pull Kaitlyn aside DESPITE him already having a rose and DESPITE the fact the entire mansion agreed that men with roses would defer to those without. They even spit and shook on it. JJ ruffled Tony the Healer’s chakras —and Tony seems like the type of dude who’d find you in another lifetime (whether you’re reincarnated humans or donkeys) and claim you had some negative energy to sort out between the two of you.
8. Kupah fumbled his way through a conversation to tell Kaitlyn he didn’t know if they had a connection, but also make a case for why he should get a rose? It was the conversational equivalent of this:

Just imagine him yelling: “But you’re pretty and hot and sexy!” as his shoes fly off, and it’s the same.

Some important housekeeping, before we get to points:

• In Episode 1, I mistakenly awarded 5 points for “mentioning his kid” to Ryan B., who has yet to father any offspring (to the best of our/his knowledge). Those 5 points should’ve gone to Justin. Please update in your spreadsheet accordingly. Mea culpa.

The wildcard points for last night’s episode went to JJ, who Amy Schumer delightfully raked over the coals. (P.S. we announce the upcoming wildcard points category every Sunday/Monday on Twitter.)

• Ben H.: 15 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
• Ben Z.: 65 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
• Chris: 10 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Clint: 55 points (stat correction) 
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Corey: 15 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
• Cory: 0 points
• Daniel: 15 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
• Ian: 20 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
• Jared: 55 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Needing medical attention (20 points)
  • Giving the Bachelorette gift: a note (5 points)
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
• JJ: 110 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Mentioning a previous wife (10 points)
  • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
  • Wildcard points: first person to get made fun of by Amy Schumer (25 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose on the group date (30 points)
  • Saying “I’m not here to make friends” (20 points)
• Joe: 20 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
• Jonathan: 10 points 
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Joshua: 10 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
• Justin: 20 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
• Kupah: 15 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
• Ryan B.: 0 points
• Shawn B.: 0 points
• Tanner: 15 points 
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
• Tony: 10 points
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)

Question of the week: What in tarnation is going on with Britt and Brady? Is it a calculated move to prolong her time in the spotlight? Would she have “gone steady” with WHOEVER knocked on her hotel room door? Give us your take in the comments.

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From the looks of the season preview, I stand by what we wrote on Twitter last night:

Wildcard points were awarded to Tony and Brady, respectively. You’ll see them below, incorporated within the rest of the points. How are your teams doing so far?

• Ben H.: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Ben Z.: 35 points
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Bradley: 0 points
• Brady: 50 points
  • Wildcard points: first one to express a preference for one of the Bachelorettes (20 points)
  • Leaving the show early on his own accord (30 points)
• Chris: 35 points
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Clint: 35 points (stat correction)
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift: drawing of Chris Harrison (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Corey: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Cory: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Daniel: 30 points
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• David: 5 points
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
• Ian: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Jared: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• JJ: 40 points
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift: a hockey puck (5 points)
  • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Joe: 30 points (stat correction)
  • Gives the Bachelorette a gift: moonshine (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Jonathan: 35 points 
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Josh: 35 points
  • Having a body part blurred out (30 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
• Joshua: 35 points
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift: steel rose (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Justin: 35 points (stat correction)
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift: balloons (5 points)
  • Mentioning his kid (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Kupah: 25 points
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Ryan B.: 25 points (stat correction)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Ryan M.: 20 points
  • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
• Shawn B.: 50 points
  • Giving the Bachelorette a gift: note from nephew (5 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelorette on the lips (10 points)
  • Getting the First Impression Rose (35 points)
• Shawn E.: 5 points
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
• Tanner: 35 points (stat correction)
  • Gives the Bachelorette a gift: tissues (5 points)
  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
• Tony: 50 points
  • Wildcard points: first one to express discontent that his Bachelorette was not chosen (25 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Never miss a post! You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!