Category Archives: Points: Season 20

Season 20, Episode 4: Points

 

The Bachelor crew headed to Sin City last night and the producers trotted out all the ol’ Las Vegas standbys: showgirls, Terry Fator and that dang puppet, the Chapel of Love, the Neon Boneyard, Fremont Street…gang’s all here! Wildcard points (15 of ’em) went to JoJo for saying that she “needed” the one-on-one date.

  • Amanda (35 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Amber (35 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Becca (70 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Discussing her virginity (15 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Caila (70 points) STAT CORRECTION
    • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Wearing a costume native to another  country (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Giving the Bachelor a gift (a cookie) (5 points)
  • Emily (80 points) STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Wearing a costume native to another  country (5 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Haley (55 points) STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Wearing a costume native to another  country (5 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Saying “steal Ben away” during said interruption (5 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
  • Jennifer (35 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • JoJo (80 points)
    • WILDCARD: First to say she “needs” the one-on-one (15 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Kissing Ben on the lips (10 points)
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jubilee (40 points) 
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Playing an instrument for the Bachelor (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Lauren B. (70 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for him” to the camera (20 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
  • Lauren H. (60 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
    • Singing for the Bachelor (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Leah (35 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Olivia (100 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelor (20 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Rachel (35 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)

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Season 20, Episode 3: Points

What a night. Jubilee, in a move never attempted before on this show, expressed her true feelings and acknowledged that not everything in Bachland was incredible, amazing, and perfect, but still formed a connection with Ben. WUT!? Yeah, the other ladies lost their collective shit. kelly gif.gif

In other news, Lace left. By herself. Without being restrained by the authorities. So, we all lost money on that bet.

Check out points below, and come back later this week for our episode 3 recap! #morejokez

  • Amanda (35 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Amber (55 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing The Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Becca (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Caila (50 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Emily (35 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Haley (35 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jami (15 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Jennifer (35 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • JoJo (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jubilee (145 points) STAT CORRECTION
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
    • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Having a body part blurred out (30 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Lace (65 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Leaving the show on her own accord (30 points)
  • Lauren B. (90 points)
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points)
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Lauren H. (45 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • WILDCARD: First girl called at the rose ceremony (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Leah (35 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Olivia (45 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Rachel (60 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Shushanna (35 points) STAT CORRECTION
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
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Season 20, Episode 2: Points

Good thing we don’t deduct points for not knowing if a state is horizontal or vertical. Headdesk. Also, can you IMAGINE running on the treadmill and having your crush (who you’ve spent a total of four minutes around) proceed to tell you that you smell SOUR?

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This week’s wildcard points (15 to the first lady to be bleeped for swearing) went to Lauren H. who complained during the group date with an expletive not suited for the wee kindergartners she teaches. FYI, we post our wildcard points on Twitter at 5 p.m. CST before the show airs; follow us @BachFantasy. We usually post a poll earlier in the day so you can vote on what you want the category to be. Twitter: we’re having fun, come join us.

A quick note about Crying on Camera, if you don’t mind, since we’ve been getting a lot of comments and tweets about it. Because Crying on Camera is worth a meaty 25 points, we demand we see some moisture exit the eyeball area and land on the lower lid/cheekbone/cheek (I like to imagine myself as a football ref during these scenes, blowing the whistle around my neck and yelling jauntily: “The ruling on the field…”) One does not simply procure a mass of 25 points for a little eye-welling-up action. You’ll see that reflected below. I humbly thank thee.

  • Amanda: 85 points
    • Mentioning her kid(s) (5 points)
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Using the phrase “steal him away” during said interruption (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Amber: 35 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Becca: 35 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Caila: 75 points
    • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
    • Hot tubbing (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Attending a concert (10 points)
    • Dancing (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Emily: 35 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Haley: 35 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jackie: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Jami: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jennifer: 45 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • JoJo: 50 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
  • Jubilee: 50 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Lace: 70 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Using the phrase “steal him away” during said interruption (5 points)
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Lauren LB: 65 points [UPDATED]
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
    • Leaving the show early on her accord (30 points)
  • Lauren B.: 30 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Lauren H.: 50 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Wildcard points: first to be bleeped for swearing (15 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Leah: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Mandi: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Olivia: 60 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Using the phrase “steal him away” during said interruption (5 points)
  • Rachel: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Samantha: 10 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Shushanna: 35 points
    • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)

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Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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“The Bachelor” Season 20, Episode 1: Points

And we’re off! What a season premiere. We have a perfect human specimen Bachelor, a delightful gaggle of wackos and beauties, a full-on Russian woman, plus one delightful miniature horse (who got sent home with Maegan; goodbye, little dude).

Also, I’ve never seen so many Laurens/Lauras in one room since the fourth grade.

How is your team faring after episode one? I personally drafted Jessica, and I was shocked—SHOCKED, I tell you—that she didn’t get a rose. I was even predicting final four for her. My Bach senses are rarely so off kilter. I might have to retreat to the woods and retrain with Yoda for a few weeks.

Any early predictions for a final rose winner? Let us know in the comments!

  • Amanda: 40 points
    • Mentioning a previous fiance or husband (10 points)
    • Mentioning her kid(s) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Amber: 30 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Becca: 30 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Breanne: 30 points
    • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Giving the Bachelor a gift (bread) (5 points)
  • Caila: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Emily: 30 points
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Haley: 30 points
    • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Izzy: 0 points
  • Jackie: 30 points
    • Giving the Bachelor a gift (a Save The Date) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jami: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jennifer: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jessica: 0 points
  • Joelle/JoJo: 30 points
    • Giving the Bachelor a gift (a unicorn mask) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Jubilee: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Lace: 85 points
    • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
    • Wildcard points for talking smack (25 points)
    • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Using the phrase “steal him away” during said interruption (5 points)
      • Editor’s note: she technically said “borrow” but we’re giving it to her
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
      • Editor’s note: I ain’t giving her points for those crocodile tears, btdubs. 
  • Laura: 0 points
  • Lauren LB: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Lauren B.: 30 points
    • Giving the Bachelor a gift (wings) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Lauren H.: 30 points
    • Giving the Bachelor a gift (a bouquet) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Lauren R.: 0 points
  • Leah: 30 points
    • Giving the Bachelor a gift (a football) (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Maegan: 0 points
  • Mandi: 30 points
    • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Olivia: 35 points
    • Getting the First Impression Rose (35 points)
  • Rachel: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Samantha: 35 points
    • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Shushanna: 25 points
    • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Tiara: 0 points

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Never miss a post! You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

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Researching Your Picks: A Look at the Drafting Pool

Christmas came early this year, friends. I didn’t even know I wanted a Chicken Enthusiast for Christmas until Santa’s little helper, Chris Harrison, dropped one right in our laps.  God Bless us, everyone.

it-s-a-wonderful-life-wink-o

We’ve rounded up our thoughts on each of the 28 contestants vying to be Ben’s one and only. Because here’s the thing: the cast bios are a bit more revealing than many assume.

Of those 28, FIVE are named Lauren or Laura, about 90% of them included a Nicholas Sparks movie as one of their favorites, and at least three listed a beloved stuffed animal as something they couldn’t live without. One of these 28 will be Ben’s wife. Or at least his fiancée for three People magazine covers. 

Without further ado…

Amanda | age: 25 | Esthetician | Rancho Santa Margarita, CA

Choice line from her bio: If she won the lottery, she “would buy a big house by the beach and adopt babies and dogs.” 86 on the babies and we’re right there with you, Amanda.

We need to hear more about: Her kiddos. She’s 25 and a mom of two. I could see Ben H. being down with stepdad duties but I think ultimately she’ll be let go because “it isn’t fair to keep her away from her kids any longer.”

Draftability: 7/10

 

Amber | age: 30 | Bartender | Chicago, IL

Choice line from her bio: She “can’t live” without her Teddy Bear. It’s actually the first thing on her list, before her mom, brother, and best friends. I hope Ben is not the jealous type.

We need to hear more about: What she’s doing back for a third time. In love and life, it’s best to ask yourself, “What would Chris Bukowski do?” and then DON’T DO THAT THING.

Draftability: 5/10

 

Becca | age: 26 | Chiropractic Assistant | San Diego, CA

Choice line from her bio: She’s afraid of clogging a toilet “a la Dumb and Dumber.” I think we all are, Becca. I think we all are.

We need to hear more about: What she feels she’s missing by only being able to use 10% of her brain as a human. I’d actually recommend using less than 10% of your brain during your tenure on The Bachelor, Becs. Don’t think too hard about it.

Draftability: 8/10

 

Breanne | age: 30 | Nutritional Therapist | Seattle, WA

Choice line from her bio: If she could be any fruit/veggie, she would be a “Carrot!” And she’s really fucking excited about it.

We need to hear more about: How to properly “smize.” I’m pretty sure I’ve tried this before, but usually end up looking deranged.

Draftability: 6/10

 

Caila | age: 24 | Software Sales Rep | Hudson, OH

Choice line from her bio: She hates a guy who “gets so cheesy that it seems fake.” This is akin to a contestant on “Survivor” saying that she can’t stand being outdoors. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride, Caila.

We need to hear more about: Why she loves pomegranate so much. “It’s the forbidden fruit that is complicated to open, but very rewarding, tasty and good for you. Plus it takes so good!!!” Is this an extended metaphor for virginity?

Draftability: 5/10

 

Emily | age: 22 | Twin | Las Vegas, NV

Choice line from her bio: Like, all of them. This girl seems pretty effing dim. She’d waste her chance to be someone else for the day on being the one person in the world who is already identical to her.

We need to hear more about: Her “job” as a twin. The bigger the dream, the harder the grind.

Draftability: 3/10

 

Haley | age: 22 | Twin | Las Vegas, NV

Choice line from her bio: Her greatest achievement is “making it to the semi-finals of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.” So her biggest achievement is coming close to actually achieving something. Congrats…

We need to hear more about: What kind of shitty movies is she watching? We Bought a Zoo should not be in anyone’s top three (to be fair, I haven’t seen that movie).

Draftability: 3/10

 

Isabel “Izzy” | age: 24 | Graphic Designer | Branford, CT

Choice line from her bio: Her music choices—Mumford and Sons, Taylor Swift, and Beyonce. #RESPECT

We need to hear more about: These family vacations. Is she a part of the Knowles-Carter family? Idk about your family, but we didn’t “charter” shit when I was a kid. We packed some boogie boards into the minivan and fought over who had to sit all the way in the back.

Draftability: 8/10

 

Jackie | age: 23 | Gerontologist | San Francisco, CA

Choice line from her bio: She “never regrets anything.” Not even one drunk text? Not even one fart you expected to be silent but ended up betraying you?

We need to hear more about: Fergus, her stuffed giraffe. Let’s say you only get to keep one thing on that list—which do you pick: the Bible or Fergus?

Draftability: 7/10

 

Jami | age: 23 | Bartender | St. Albert, Alberta, Canada

Choice line from her bio: Lil’ Wayne is one of her favs because “he seems very smart with his raps.” It’s like she’s trying to get in with the cool kids but gave the nerdiest opinion about a rapper possible. At least she’s smart enough to call Beyonce a goddess.

We need to hear more about: Her lack of experience as a “lover.” Does this mean we have another virgin in da house? It’s a race to Pound Town, and only one girl can win.

grVLZ

Draftability: 5/10

 

Jennifer | age: 25 | Small Business Owner | Fort Lauderdale, FL

Choice line from her bio: She’d want to be a dolphin because “they are beautiful, intelligent and are the only mammals to have sex for pleasure!” Up top for dolphin sex. 

We need to hear more about: Literally every detail about her face plant. Ideally there is a video. I’m a sucker for falling stories. Not sorry.

Draftability: 7/10

 

Jessica | age: 23 | Accountant | Boca Raton, FL

Choice line from her bio: Listen here, club rats. Y’all need to STEP. Jessica does not want any “sweaty dudes rubbing up against” her while she gets low to a Rihanna remix.

We need to hear more about: Her stance on Lil Wayne. I wonder if she agrees with Jami that Weezy “seems very smart with his raps.”

Draftability: 8/10

 

Joelle “JoJo” | age: 24 | Real Estate Developer | Dallas, TX

Choice line from her bio: She can “kill a quesadilla” AND she can make a three leaf clover with her tongue. Come on, JoJo. Give the other girls a chance!

We need to hear more about: What exactly is the appeal of being both a fruit and a vegetable…? Also, why the fuck did ABC ask this question?

Draftability: 5/10

 

Jubilee | age: 24 | War Veteran | Fort Lauderdale, FL

Choice line from her bio: She loves the “smells…that belong to a city.” Either I’ve been smelling all the wrong things in the cities I’ve been in, or Jubilee loves the smell of stale urine and garbage juice.

We need to hear more about: How, exactly, sunflowers are a “great metaphor for life.” Da fuq?

Draftability: 6/10

 

Lace | age:  25 | Real Estate Agent | Denver, CO

Choice line from her bio: Our girl, Lace, left a floater in the toilet and a guy she liked saw it. Related: she’s still single.

We need to hear more about: Her name. Lace? Is it pronounced the way I think it is? Like the fabric? “I Ben, take thee, Lace.” Nah.

Draftability: 7/10

 

Laura | age: 24 | Account Executive | Louisville, KY

Choice line from her bio: If she could break any law without consequences, she’d rob a casino and then chat about it with Clooney and Pitt. YAAASS. I’d actually watch paint dry if it meant I got to debrief with Clooney and Pitt later.

We need to hear more about: How she ended up on this show sporting her natural skin color. I had always assumed that the entire Bachelor compound was rigged to mist you with a spray tan solution every time you walked through a door.

Draftability: 5/10 

 

Lauren “LB” | age: 23 | Fashion Buyer | Stillwater, OK

Choice line from her bio: The wildest thing she’s done is “join a sorority.” Wow. Calm down. Dream big.

We need to hear more about: Her nickname. Is “LB” something the producers forced her to adopt since out of the FOUR Laurens, there is another Lauren B.? Or,is she is trying to make a new nickname happen?

5c6d0-reginageorge
Draftability: 8/10 – there’s like a 15% chance that someone named Lauren is winning this thing

 

Lauren B. | age: 25 | Flight Attendant | Marina Del Ray, CA

Choice line from her bio: When asked about the most outrageous thing she’s ever done, she says “Probably this.” Slow clap, Lauren B. Other Lauren B., take notes.

We need to hear more about: She’s prepping us for some serious PDA macking on Ben H. “When I love someone, there is never a question about how much because I will constantly show you and tell.” #kissingpoints

Draftability: 6/10

 

Lauren H. | age: 25 | Kindergarten Teacher | Ann Arbor, MI

Choice line from her bio: If Lauren H. could switch places with anyone for a day, she chooses Chris Harrison. On the one hand, quit buttering him up. On the other, imagine all the secret Bach-nanigans he’s seen!

We need to hear more about: That time she accidentally showed her Pinterest wedding board to her boss and he called her out on not even having a boyfriend. Good thing you redeemed yourself by asking for time off work to meet a boyfriend on TV…

Draftability: 4/10

 

Lauren R. | age: 26 | Math Teacher | Houston, TX

Choice line from her bio: She’d have lunch with “Jesus, Michelangelo, and Justin Timberlake.” It’s like she closed her eyes and clicked on random Wikipedia pages.

We need to hear more about: This painting. Should it take over 80 hours to paint a lighthouse?

Draftability: 6/10

 

Leah | age: 25 | Event Planner | Denver, CO

Choice line from her bio: She has “two dove tattoos on the back of her calves” that she’s in the process of having lasered off. I don’t know why, but the mental image of a half-erased dove on both calves is the most amazing thing.

We need to hear more about: The time she twerked on the wall (upside down, assuming?) during her Bachelor interview. Token rowdy one. Calling it now.

Draftability: 7/10

 

Maegan | age: 30 | Cowgirl | Weatherford, TX

Choice line from her bio: This cowgirl has true grit. She claims to be afraid of snakes but follows that up with this murderous little snack: “I’ll chop their heads off with a shovel if I find them on our property!” Like, fuuuuck. Sooey.

We need to hear more about: HER MINI-HORSE. Please bring the mini-horse to the mansion, please bring the mini-horse to the mansion.

tumblr_nip142XVcw1rr1uzco1_500
Draftability: 1/10

 

Mandi | age: 28 | Dentist | Portland, OR

Choice line from her bio: One of her worst attributes is “having a tendency to drink too much.” That right there? Behold. That’s how you get on “The Bachelor.”

We need to hear more about: Her desire to be a free-range chicken for a day. Bet her and Tiara (down below) are gonna be besties.

Draftability: 3/10

 

Olivia | age: 23 | News Anchor | Austin, TX

Choice line from her bio: Her favorite fictional character is Katniss. We’ll take it, ya kween.

We need to hear more about: Her news anchor gig. She better do her anchor voice to narrate some scenes for us. “We’re live at the Bachelor Mansion pool, where Mandi has consumed eight—*presses her hand to her ear* I’m sorry, we’re receiving new information—NINE, nine vodka tonics.”

Draftability: 10/10

 

Rachel | age: 23 | Unemployed | Little Rock, AR

Choice line from her bio: “Gift giving” is her love language. Not to be judgmental, but that’s the worst love language. (Tangent: do you know your love language? Take the quiz; it’s super fun. Sorry in advance if you get “gift-giving.” That sucks.)

We need to hear more about: Her funemployment. Way to keep it real, Rach.

Draftability: 7/10

 

Samantha | age: 26 | Attorney | New Smyrna Beach, FL

Choice line from her bio: When asked how she would impress a man, Samantha answers: “I would hope that just being myself and spending quality time would be enough. If he is the right man for me, I shouldn’t have to work so hard to impress him.” Preach. ONCE MORE, FOR THE FANS IN THE BALCONY, SAMANTHA.

We need to hear more about: Her parents. She says their approval means “everything” to her. Hoping she makes it to Hometowns. Then again, who would disapprove of the human-shaped confection that is Ben H.?

Draftability: 8/10

 

Shushanna | age: 27 | Mathematician | Salt Lake City, UT

Choice line from her bio: Imma just copy and paste this here for you. This mathematician had to have been drunk when she wrote this rambling incoherent paragraph about her search for lobe: “At some point I stopped believing in lobe again. I thought something was wrong with me or I’m just so buy that I don’t want anyone in my life. Maybe this get away will help to open my eyes and meet someone special. And even if it doesn’t happen on the show, I believe this show will help me with my hopes and loss.”

We need to hear more about: 10 points to her parents for christening her with a moniker that can be shortened to “Shush.” I hope she has a sister name Quietlynn.

Draftability: 5/10

 

Tiara | age: 26 | Chicken Enthusiast | Redmond, WA

Choice line from her bio: Her favorite kind of weather is “medium weather.” Clouds are not tops from Target, Tiara. There is no medium size weather.

We need to hear more about: Okay, I’ll bite. What’s up with the chicken thing? Are they pets? What does she do when the people around her order a chicken sandwich or suggest a group outing to KFC?

Draftability: 4/10

 

 

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Welcome to “The Bachelor” Fantasy League, Season 20

Returning BachFantasy lovers: welcome back! Thanks for sticking with us through thick and thin, hot tubs and helicopters, drunk hiccups and crocodile tears. We promise that big things are in store for BachFantasy and we thank you for guarding and protecting our hearts on this journey (and we’ll always do the same to yours).

If you are new, welcome to the greatest couple of months of your life. Mercury is moving out of retrograde, and Jupiter is moving into your tenth house of Fame, Honors, and Reality TV Excitement.

Keep reading for an overview of how to start your very own Bachelor Fantasy league.

HOW OUR BACHELOR FANTASY LEAGUE WORKS

1) Gather your “Bachelor”-loving friends and coworkers, and choose a League Commissioner. The Commissioner is responsible for tallying league members’ points each week and sharing the standings with the league.

2) Choose how your league is going to run your draft (read more on that below) and submit your contestant picks to your league commissioner.

3) Watch “The Bachelor” every Monday night, beginning January 4 on ABC.

4) Visit this blog every Tuesday morning to see how each of your contestants scored. The league commissioner should add up the point totals for each team in order to figure out the weekly rankings. You can use our BachFantasy Score sheet (UPDATED) to keep track of your league members’ scores.

THE DRAFT

You have a few options when it comes to drafting your Bachelorette fantasy league team team of five contestants. Click here to read more about how to draft your team.

POINTS CATEGORIES

When picking contestants, choose your own adventure. Do you want a team of escapees from the funny farm? Do you want to stack your team with the stage 5 clingers? Variety is the spice of life. Do you. 

Points are divided into Phrases, Actions, and Roses. We’ve added a few new points categories this year; look for bolded below. We will continue with a new wildcard point category each week to keep things fresh throughout the season!

Phrases

  • Talking about her parents’ relationship (5 points)
  • Mentioning her kid (5 points)
  • Mentioning a deceased loved one (10 points)
  • Mentioning a previous fiance or husband (10 points)
  • Expressing fear of a date activity (10 points) NEW IN 2016
  • Discussing her virginity (15 points) NEW IN 2016
  • Saying “I’m not here to make friends” (20 points)
  • Saying “I’m falling for you” to the Bachelor or “I’m falling for him” to the camera (20 points)
  • Saying “I love you” to the Bachelor (30 points)
  • Telling the Bachelor that someone in the house “is not here for the right reasons” (30 points)

Actions

  • Interrupting someone’s one-on-one time (5 points)
  • Bonus: using the phrase “steal [the Bachelor] away” during said interruption (5 points)
  • Dancing (5 points)
  • Wearing a helmet (5 points)
  • Singing or playing an instrument for the Bachelor (5 points)
  • Hot tubbing (5 points)
  • Giving the Bachelor a gift (5 points)
  • Going on a picnic (5 points)
    • Must be sitting on the ground
  • Wearing a costume or clothing native to another culture/country (5 points)
  • Attending a concert (10 points) NEW IN 2016
  • Riding in a helicopter (10 points)
  • Riding on a boat (10 points)
  • Kissing the Bachelor on the lips (10 points)
  • Appearing visibly drunk (15 points)
  • Meeting the Bachelor’s family and/or friends (15 points)
  • Needing medical attention at any point (20 points)
  • Crying on camera (25 points)
    • Must actually see moisture fall
  • Having a secret boyfriend at home (25 points)
  • Having a body part blurred out any point (30 points)
    • Only for nudity; having your mouth blurred for profanity doesn’t count
  • Leaving the show early on her own accord (30 points)
  • Drafting the next Bachelorette on your team (40 points)
  • Coming back to the show to beg for another chance (50 points)

Roses

  • Getting the First Impression Rose (35 points, only available first night)
  • Being selected to go on a group date (10 points)
  • Being selected to go on a one-on-one date (20 points)
  • Getting the rose to stay another week (25 points)
  • Getting the rose on a group date (30 points)
  • Getting the rose on a two-on-one date (40 points)
  • Making it to Hometown Dates (50 points)
  • Accepting the Fantasy Suite (75 points)
  • Refusing the Fantasy Suite (-75 points)
  • Winning the Final Rose (100 points)

WILDCARD POINTS

Each week, we’ll announce the upcoming wildcard category for the week on Twitter (so follow us to see what it is!). It will change weekly and is only awarded to one lady per episode. For example, one wildcard category might be: the first lady to dance this week gets 40 points.

SCORING

We’ll score each episode for you and post each contestant’s scores every Tuesday morning. Be sure to check back every Tuesday to see how your teams are stacking up against one another! We’ll also be posting an episode recap for those of you just can’t get enough Bach.

Will you be joining us this season? Let us know your league or individual team name in the comments! (We like puns.)

P.S. You can sign up to get an email every time we post by entering your email address in the widget at the very bottom of the page.

Did you know we’re on Facebook and also on Twitter? We live-tweet every episode, often while drinking and yelling at the TV. It’s a good time. Come tweet with us!

A Note About Season 20

Welcome to the 76th Annual Hunger Games.

Is newly minted Bachelor Ben Higgins the second coming? He very well might be. The last time we were this excited for a Bachelor, he turned out to be Juan Pablo, so…our track record for predicting a good Bach isn’t exactly spotless. Regardless, I have a feeling Ben is a good egg.

We’ve gotten a ton of tweets and emails asking if we’ll be scoring this season. Is the sky blue? Is Chris Harrison sneaky? Is Ben H. a total smokeshow?

We’re here, my babies. We’re here. And we’re unrolling some exciting new features this season.

So stay tuned for an Updated Points Template and a Drafting Guide coming your way. Sign up at the bottom of this site to get an email every time we post. You can also follow us on Twitter or Facebook.

In the meantime, notify your league members. Throw up the bat signal. Place the Dark Mark above your house. BachFantasy Season 20 is about to begin.

Tell us in the comments: will you be playing this season? What’s your team name?

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